What’s love got to with it?
Does the impending date of February 14th create a sense of anxiety and judgement? Well, you’re not alone! Feelings of ‘not being good enough’ or ‘what’s wrong with me’ can often be at the forefront of our minds. Valentine’s Day has become so heavily commercialised that even if you’re in a relationship, the pressure to make your other half feel special, spend loads of cash or display grandiose gestures of love can be daunting for a lot of us.
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Many of my clients confess, they feel a sense of not being whole or missing out as they haven’t found their other half. I hear on many occasions that ‘I want to feel complete with a relationship’.
We’ve been conditioned to believe our sense of identity isn’t valid unless we’re in a relationship, that the grass is greener on the other side, that life really only begins when we find a partner. If this were true, our divorce rates would be much lower.
If we’re looking for love from a position of feeling incomplete, many of us will choose a mate from a dis-empowered state. Meaning, we haven’t built a solid relationship within our self first. The manner in how we choose a mate will be driven from a superficial level of instead of a mindful, heart felt and conscious one.
If you think about it, how can you choose a partner for yourself when you’re not able to recognise what values are important to you. Taking the time out to gain a sense of who you are, what you stand for and the direction you walk in in life. Simply put, it all comes down to knowing one’s self and values in life. If you’re able to know your own values, then you will easily recognise them in another person. Coming from a space of self-empowerment is a game changer when it comes to opening up possibilities to finding a meaningful relationship.
Perhaps you wear your heart on your sleeve or maybe you let your mind rule your heart? Either way, one loses out. The key is having our heart and our mind working together in harmony. This is where our first marriage within ourselves can start. Developing that internal support instead of seeking it externally, which makes us become a reactive to our environment instead of choice.
The question is, do you want to feel complete before a relationship or is it your partner’s responsibility to do this for you? Depending on your awareness of self will create the dynamics of your relationship with your other half.
Here are 4 simple steps you can use to create that ‘special’ relationship within yourself
– Write out a list of values that are important to you, choose your top six and place them in order.
– For example, Love, Friendship, Respect, Communication, Trust, Drive and Family
– Read them every day and remind yourself of what it feels like to action them out daily
– Be the lover that you’re wanting in your life to yourself first.
– For example, speak lovingly towards yourself.
– When you feel you’ve made a wrong choice, let yourself know it’s ok, look for the insight and learning curve to the situation.
– Pamper yourself
– Take time out of your day each morning
– Let your mind observe the sensations in the body
– Let your mind observe the emotions flowing in and around you
– Be aware of the thoughts floating in your mind and how you talk to yourself
Imagine feeling whole and complete regardless of what society subliminally projects onto us. Having that sense of knowing who you are and owning it regardless of what time of year it is. What difference will this inner confidence create in your life?
So as this Valentine’s Day approaches, be the love of your life to yourself first and when the timing is right, you can share this love with another every day of the year.
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