We all have expectations for our children to do their best, unlock their hidden potential and grow to be successful individuals. When they’re away from the school desk, how do we foster a love-affair with knowledge and nurture developing minds? It’s a question some of us struggle to answer on a daily basis.
Dr John. Demartini is America’s top Human Behavior Specialist, Educator, and Business Consultant, specialising in personal development. Travelling the globe, his trademarked methodologies, the Demartini Method and the Demartini Value Determination, are the product of 42 years of cross-disciplinary research and study.
In a RESCU exclusive, Dr. Demartini teaches his methods on how to awaken the inner genius hidden inside your child, no matter what stage of development they’re at.
RESCU: I’m delighted to share with you our very special guest Dr. John Demartini, the author of ‘The Values Factor’. Today we’re going to be talking about a subject which is really dear to my heart – as I’m sure it is for all of my readers who are parents – how to awaken genius and potential in children of any age. This is a specialty for you.
DR. JOHN DEMARTINI: Yes, this is one of my favourite topics. I have been blessed to travel the world and teach, and I get to teach teachers and principals and kids around the world and it’s very inspiring to me. Every child has something that they want to do that’s amazing. When I stand in front of an audience and I ask them how many of you want to make a massive difference and do something extraordinary in the world, everybody, their hand goes up. Even in prisons they did and children are no different. If I’m in front of a thousand children… even five year olds have a dream to do something amazing. So it’s innate inside us to want to do something amazing in our lives and every child has a set of values, a set of priorities that they live their life by. It used to be thought in the 1950s that they’re blank slates and their parents have to impose values.
RESCU: That’s right.
DR. JOHN DEMARTINI: But they found out recently that the children already have them. They already have them there and they’re evolving throughout their lives. And so the second theory to be able to fulfil their values, they wake up their genius, they wake up their potential. So, instead of imposing suppression and an autocratic, dictatorial kind of approach to children, it’s wiser to find out what they’re inspired by naturally and then learning out of communicating and caring and their values and bringing new information to them that they need to learn at school and what you would want from them in their life and communicating their values just like a costumer.
You communicate their values; they buy what you have to offer. The children, if you communicate their values, they buy into your ideas; they love learning whatever is meaningful to them.
RESCU: I think one of the challenges for modern parenting is a lack of time and a very hurried pace of life, so perhaps, some of our readers are thinking, that would all be good and well but I’ve got two children, I’ve got a really busy life, I get to see my child for thirty minutes, how can I awaken the genius and potential in my child and honour their values when I just want them to eat their dinner and go to bed?
DR. JOHN DEMARTINI: The wisest thing to do is to look at what they fill their space with because they tend to surround themselves with things that are important to them; what they want to spend their time on, what energises them. If they get money, they’re old enough to want to buy something; what do they want to buy? What do they think about all the time? What are they inspired by? What is it that they want as a goal in their life and when they go and do want to learn or read something, what do they want to go towards and grab hold of? That’s their natural tendency to want to learn.
RESCU: And Dr. Demartini, do you suggest that we make a list of these things so we don’t forget, so that we’re watching consciously?
DR. JOHN DEMARTINI: I recommend that you take in the book, ‘The Values Factor’, as I have thirteen criteria that you do to determine what their personal values are. Many times when you ask them what their values are, it’s not what it is. It’s what their life demonstrates.
So looking at what the child is demonstrating is what is important. Then you ask how is whatever that is important to them; how is it helping you.
‘Cause if you can’t see what their dedicated serving you as a parent, then you’re going to want to fix that. You’re going to want to project on that, you’re going to change them. And that makes them shut down and destroy their genius because they don’t feel like what’s meaningful to them is important.
RESCU: Always being on it.
DR. JOHN DEMARTINI: Yeah you’re just shutting it down. What then you do is ask how it’s serving you and once you can respect them and appreciate them and understand what they’re about and dedicated to, then you can then ask how is whatever I want to bring to them, how’s it going to help them.
If you can’t see what you’re going to teach them and bring to their lives and going to help them in their values, they’re not engaged; they’re not going to see it’s really important. And, they’re not going to expand what they’re up to.
So you have the responsibility as a teacher, a parent, as anybody who’s caring for them, to communicate their values, just like you would with any adult, or anybody in business, or anybody in life. ‘Cause the second you help them get what they want, they turn into who you love.
RESCU: And just to summarise, is there any age that it’s too early or it’s too late to do this?
DR. JOHN DEMARTINI: No. I had a lovely teacher in Houston, Texas who starts with two year olds and by the time they’re thirteen, they’re professors at university because she’s learned this art. And I’ve watched this – I’ve been working with eight year olds and six year olds and four year olds… it doesn’t matter. If you can… As Plato says, I’ll learn his recollection… if we can see them as a genius, our Pygmalion effect will bring out their genius. But, if we see them as kind of, they’re not right, they should be doing this or something else, we shut down their genius.
They deserve to be loved for who they are and the second you love them for who they are, they turn into who you love.
RESCU: Thank you so much for those fantastic, wise words. There’s more detail in that checklist in ‘The Values Factor’, your latest book. Dr. Demartini, a pleasure to see you again.
DR. JOHN DEMARTINI: Thank you.
DR. DEMARTINI’S FAST FIVE
1. Nurture Their Values: Instead of imposing suppression and an autocratic, dictatorial kind of approach to children, it’s wiser to find out what they’re inspired by naturally and then learning out of communicating and caring and their values
2. Become Familiar With What’s Familiar To Them: Look at what they fill their space with because they tend to surround themselves with things that are important to them.
3. Observation is Key: Looking at what the child is demonstrating is what is important. Then you ask how is whatever that is important to them; how is it helping you.
4. Rules of Engagement: If you can’t see what you’re going to teach them and bring to their lives and going to help them in their values, they’re not engaged – they’re not going to see it’s really important.
5. It’s Never Too Early: A teacher in Houston, Texas starts with two year olds and by the time they’re thirteen, they’re professors at university because she’s learned this art. Dr. Martini works the same method with ‘eight year olds and six year olds and four year olds… it doesn’t matter.’