We wanted to bring you truly expert advice on navigating the beast that is a man. So we asked ourselves, who do we turn to when we’re in a bind (and not the Fifty Shades type)?
Our mothers? Hit or miss at best. Our girlfriends? Endless moaning (not the good kind) about their own relationships really doesn’t really inspire confidence. Our partners? They just tell us what we want to hear.
So, we looked outside the box. We looked to someone who has professional experience with men. Someone who sees men raw and reads them without the emotional cloud that is inevitable in a relationship. We looked to Samantha X – the former journalist who revealed in a tell-all book, Hooked: Secrets of a High Class Call Girl, that she had changed career paths and become a high class courtesan charging up to $1,000 an hour for her services.
In this interview, we ask all the questions you want to ask and Samantha X gives the answers you need to hear.
RESCU: Tell us about your initial impressions of men and how they’ve changed since becoming a professional escort.
SAMANTHA X: Before I became a high-class escort, I thought the attraction for men was just big boobs, tight ass… 100% the way your body looks.
Having been an escort now for 3 years, I realise men are a lot deeper than that, and that what is more attractive on a woman is her smile and her energy.
It’s amazing the amount of clients that ask me what star sign I am, or they pick me because I seem to radiate energy or from photographs I look friendly. Not many men have said I’ve picked you because you have nice legs or because you have big boobs. So that surprised me about men, but I was presently surprised, and since being an escort I actually like men a lot more now. I understand them a bit more — they’re simple creatures.
RESCU: Why do you find your clients seek out an escort experience?
SAMANTHA X: There’s not one reason, and there’s not a type either, it’s basically any man, any age. I’ve had clients that are 19 and I’ve had clients that are 80. There’s no one single reason, but basically it’s because their needs aren’t being met. Not all my clients are married or in relationships, but let’s talk about the ones who are. I often hear that they don’t do it anymore at home, I’ve got a client who hasn’t done it with his wife in seven years and he’s a completely normal, attractive businessman.
RESCU: And just to stop you there – has he been rejected or has he lost interest?
SAMANTHA X: He says he’s given up trying. And of course I’m only hearing his side of the story, I don’t know what’s going on with his partner, but I’m not speaking to his partner. It’s my job to provide a service for the man.
I said in my book ‘Men need sex like we need a good foundation.’ They tell me it makes them feel needed, feel desired, feel wanted and I think it’s very easy when you’re in a long term relationship for your intimate relations to dissolve a bit or to change — it’s normal. But men don’t cope very well with that. I realise that women like doing it just as much, but I think we have other priorities.
RESCU: An hour is a short time, and an expensive investment with someone like you, I mean, you’re charging a $1000 an hour…
SAMANTHA X: Too right! I went from $600 an hour, to $800 six months after that and now, a few years on and a few experiences under my suspender belt, I decided to put my rate up to $1,000.
RESCU: So in that hour, what can you do that can leave a man truly happy? Because there’s a woman at home who is a mother, who is working, who is possibly studying, preparing meals probably… an hour of pampering their partners is a long time. So let’s say we had an hour, a day per week, per month to make our partner feel like he’s having a $1000 experience…
SAMANTHA X: It’s interesting how you worded that, ‘pampering your partner.’ What I find more than not is that men want to pamper YOU. The question I get asked most is not ‘what can do for me?’ but ‘how can I please YOU?’ I think oral sex is huge. I’m not talking about oral on him, but letting him do it to you, because I hear time and time again ‘My partner doesn’t let me touch her,’ or they don’t kiss anymore. So I would allow them to really pleasure you, don’t be embarrassed because you haven’t had a wax or because you’ve put on a few kilos. He doesn’t care.
That’s probably my number one thing to say to women is to just let go. Just really let go and love yourself, because your partner really loves you.
I think that’s also a myth of what some escorts do; I don’t do lap dances, I only have one vibrator, and I don’t do anal or anything like that. I just give them time to have a drink, listen to their day, which I know is hard when you have kids etc. and to let them feel that they’re the man again.
RESCU: How do you take what you do professionally and bring that into your home life, where you create a sacred space for intimacy each and every time?
SAMANTHA X: Do you mean in my personal experience?
RESCU: In what you do professionally. Most wives turn up not really there. So are there some tips and tricks not so much to ‘fake it’ but to create a space and to psych yourself into the mood? Because I think that’s what escorts do beautifully professionally.
SAMANTHA X: Look I suppose I would liken it to going to three business meetings a day, you have to be present and you have to make your client feel like he or she is your only client. I don’t see more than one person a day, I probably only work two or three times a week for that reason.
RESCU: Well most people don’t want to have sex with their partners more than once a day, so let’s say…
SAMANTHA X: I would say number one is you have to feel sexy. Now to feel sexy you have to look sexy… yes for him, but mainly for you.
RESCU: Are there some things that you do to look and feel sexy?
SAMANTHA X: I invest in good lingerie. When I put on stockings, suspenders, and a beautifully cut bra it transforms me from boring old Amanda, to sexy Samantha! Take time to make yourself look beautiful within yourself, invest in great skin, get a blow-dry… things like that make a woman feel sexy within themselves. Your partner won’t really notice these things as much as you, but they will notice your glow and confidence. He will notice your lingerie though. I can guarantee that.
RESCU: Have you experimented with different things and found that there’s a couple of fail-safe, go-to things that every man likes?
SAMANTHA X: Stockings and suspenders. It’s such a cliché, but men love it. I know stockings and suspenders are tricky to put on, and believe me I struggle all the time with them. Slip on a pair of stockings from Agent Provocateur, Wolford, or Honey Burdette, and a beautiful suspender belt: I promise you will feel a million bucks because when’s the last time you wore a pair of stockings and suspenders?
RESCU: Do you do anything to the environment? I mean you’re a private escort so you control the environment… is there something that they like?
SAMANTHA X: It’s mostly five star hotels now because I got rid of my unit and am winding down, but I always ask when I’m on the way for the client to have a bottle of champagne on some ice. Mainly because it creates a sexy environment without me doing anything! So I always think have a nice bottle of something in the fridge.
One thing I hear from women is it’s hard to create that environment with kids around. I hear you! Hearing your kids’ fighting is not a turn-on. So either wait until they go to sleep or book a hotel. It doesn’t have to be a five star hotel, just get out of your normal surroundings.
If going to a hotel is not achievable, then get someone to mind the kids or pay a babysitter to take them to the movies for the afternoon. Don’t always do it at night, shake it up a bit. See your partner during the day for a quickie, you don’t need hours and hours…
RESCU: You would be the master of getting a read on someone quickly and creating a mood. What are some of the tips and tricks you use in your professional life that we could use to do at home to create intimacy and a sex-charged atmosphere?
SAMANTHA X: I find that if I’m struggling with a client and that I can’t work them out, I just test the waters a little and talk a bit dirty. It’s incredibly hard to talk dirty and sound sexy because you can get it wrong. So I would experiment beforehand.
RESCU: Can you give us script?
SAMANTHA X: Okay, let’s just assume that your partner’s at work, and you want to spice things up, you can just send a little text message saying ‘I need to f**k you tonight darling.’ No smiley faces or !!!!!!!!!, just plain and simple and to the point. I guarantee he will stop what he’s doing and take note and it will have him thinking about you for the rest of the day. And you want him to be thinking about you.
RESCU: So what you’re doing is creating a build up rather than going in cold.
SAMANTHA X: The build up is always better; my job is never about penetration! It’s about the experience. Clients rarely book for just one hour. We all know the deed will take about ten minutes max, so when they are paying for two or three hours or even all night, you need to build up the tension. And I’m not talking hours and hours of foreplay because who does that! I’m creating a sexy, safe ambience when both of us are present and not distracted.
RESCU: So you build them up…
SAMANTHA X: Ok, back to the dirty talk. ‘I want to suck your c**k tonight darling,’ ‘I need to be f**ked by you’, ‘I need you inside me.’ You know, men are primal, you have to go back to basics. Women are emotional; we need to feel connected but men just need a hard on, and that is easy to achieve. Things like: ‘You’re the man I want and need and I want you to own me tonight’. You know, ‘I’m so wet’, ‘my pussy’s wet thinking about you’. Take a photo of you in your suspenders – just a glimpse – and I guarantee he will not be going out for drinks with the boys that night, he’ll be coming straight home. And then when he gets home, have a glass of wine to give yourself a bit of confidence. It works. For me, I put on my stockings and suspenders and I become Samantha and it’s show time.
You have to lose your embarrassment – sometimes I’m mortified, I think ‘I would never do it in my real life’, some of the stuff I say and do as Samantha. But practice makes perfect. And remember, sex is supposed to be FUN.
The minute he walks in the door, be in your stockings and suspenders upstairs, and the minute he walks into the bedroom, unzip his pants and start giving him a blowjob. And more importantly, let him return the favour.
His reaction will turn you on, and make you feel sexy too. You, on the bed, with your new outfit, being sexy and present and enjoying it. Men need to see you enjoying it. It’s what I’ve learnt. Most don’t orgasm unless I do.
Because ultimately, there’s no difference between me and you. Only that I’m an escort and I do it as a profession, and you’re a beautiful woman, with a partner, with just less time than me. So make the time once in a while!
RESCU: So they’re looking for an experience?
SAMANTHA X: Yes! And give that to your man! He would rather be with you than me. He’d rather get that experience from you. I hear time and time again ‘If my partner did this, I wouldn’t be here’, ‘If my partner liked coming away with me, if she liked going to dinner with me… because I got sick of tables for one’. These men would rather be with their partners. So give him a Samantha X experience at home, give him the $5000 a night experience at home. Not every night, once in a while will do it!
RESCU: A lot of people get hung up on the fact that, as you said before, there’s hours of foreplay involved and that kind of does their head in. But you said you don’t do that, you’re using the tension that you build up ahead of his arrival. You’re using what you’re wearing to fast track the foreplay.
SAMANTHA X: Men are very visual, and once they penetrate, the moment the penis goes into the vagina, it’s pretty much all over. So you have to build up to that. And men know that too, because they’ve paid for an hour, they don’t want to do it in the first ten minutes because they know that’s 50 minutes of making polite conversation. It’s always the last thing we do. Right at the end.
RESCU: The cherry on top.
SAMANTHA X: And sometimes it doesn’t even happen! I’ve discussed this in the media that my clients are not about sex; otherwise I would have five minute appointments. So you do need to have some foreplay. And remember that you used to enjoy that; I think women forget how much they actually enjoyed it. It isn’t all about pleasing your man – you are supposed to enjoy it too!