By Kathryn Eisman, Love Expert
www.kathryneisman.com/
What do you do when the man you love looks elsewhere? RESCU’s love guru, Kathryn Eisman, gives us some insight into that dreaded moment when infidelity knocks.
There are some things in life that once broken cannot be repaired; collagen (a.k.a stretch marks), limited edition Fabergé eggs, and trust. I know this because just last week one of my dearest friends arrived at my doorstep shattered into a million pieces. Turns out she had just caught her husband writing sexually charged emails to other women online. My front door closed behind her with a thud, the question remained, would their relationship be destroyed also?
She loved her husband and had not so much as blinked at a handsome guy since she had married him three years earlier (of course, even the most devoted wife can’t help it if a piece of dirt gets in her eye and she’s forced to wink). Indeed, she had remained the very model of fidelity. She had done everything a new wife is suppose to do – maintained her own life and career, occasionally cook him his favourite meal, let him out of the house on a boys’ night without a curfew, hung onto and worn her pre-marriage lingerie, nurtured his ego, and on big matches, had even let him watch the football in bed at 1am (so long as the volume was down). What’s more, she had actually enjoyed being the perfect wife, because she thought she had married the perfect man.
So when she discovered her husband was seeking sexual satisfaction online and writing flirtatious emails to his Facebook ‘friends’ (of course, none of whom she’d ever heard of in their 5 years of being together), she was devastated. How could the man she trusted with her life betray her so deeply?
I sat her down and poured a cool drink while I thought of something vaguely insightful to say. I didn’t understand why a man would risk a happy future for a moment’s titillation. I also didn’t comprehend how this man, who would happily give his life for this woman, would also recklessly destroy it. How could he dismiss this grave act of betrayal as a “meaningless game”?
My lack of understanding was my only insight – there are some things a woman will never fully understand about a man. Like why a person in a happy, fulfilled and sexually satisfying relationship still looks elsewhere. It seems there will always be men, not all, but some, who simply cannot help dipping their toes into the devil’s water. They may be perfectly happy on shore with their girlfriend or wife – but there’s something alluring about the dark, unknown, bottomless sea of infidelity that draws them in – sometimes time and time again. Some arrogantly splash about, some sheepishly slip a toe in and some dive right into a fully-fledged affair with reckless abandonment. Then once they’ve had their fun, their egos stroked by the lapping waves, their loins massaged by the current, they happily return to the beach and the woman they love. Often unaware that the black water has stained their skin and their once pristine white beach is now tainted with pollution.
When the bonds of trust are broken, you may be able to glue the pieces back together and the relationship may look the same as it was before, but it never is. A woman may find it in her heart to forgive him and even love him again, but never with the same purity and openness. Rather than being uplifted by her love, she becomes enslaved by it – a burden her heart forces her to carry each day.
So before you give your heart away, pay close attention to the character of the man you give it to. Because while his looks and wallet will wax and wane with the many moons, his character will remain constant – to either build you up or break you into a million little pieces.
Rescu. is proud to announce that author Kathryn Eisman was announced the winner in Cosmopolitan Magazine’s “Fun, Fearless Female Awards” in her category. To view the other winners, go to www.cosmopolitan.com.au/funfearlessfemale.htm. And if you voted for Kathryn – thank you for your support.
For more info on Kathryn, go to her official website: www.kathryneisman.com/ Or click here to follow her on Twitter.