By Victoria Rollison
The rollercoaster ride of dating has its own lingo to track the glorious ups and the devastating lows. Here’s a list of some common words and their implied meanings for those who are new to, or re-joining, the game:
Momentum: a weekend date that is followed by an early mid-week date.
MIA (missing in action): a text message, phone call or email sent at least 4 hours ago that hasn’t received a reply.
Aged tenants: your date’s parents live with him.
Phone orgasm: the moment you see his name pop up on your phone and the first time he calls you after your first date.
Red flag: anything that your date does which makes you want to call your friends and ask if it’s a bad sign. Examples include being rude to waiters, smoking, snorting when he laughs or wearing sneakers with jeans.
White lie: something you told your date about yourself that isn’t 100 percent true.
Deceit: something your date told you about himself that isn’t 100 percent true.
Group workshop: the 2 hours you spent with your friends before the date deciding what you were going to wear.
Group therapy: the 2 hours you spent with your friends after the date deciding what went wrong.
Nervous twitch: checking your phone every 5 seconds to see if he’s sent a text.
Belly flop: calling your date by the wrong name.
Sexpectations: the last half hour of your date when you are trying to work out if he’s going to ask you back to his house.
TGTBT (too good to be true): the moment you realise there is no such thing as the perfect man, when he lets you down for the first time.
Outfit failure: when he’s chosen the wrong thing to wear (too casual, too formal or just plain ugly) and you can’t get over it.
Clothing misjudgment : when you’ve chosen the wrong thing to wear (too casual, too formal or showing too much skin) and you can’t get over it.
Whipper snipper moment: realising your date is much hairier than you thought he was (think back, shoulders and …. you know where).
Scanner: The thing you (or your date) do when you’re not having a good time. i.e. looking over your shoulder to see is if anything interesting is happening behind him.
Boundary pushing: When you check how much intimacy he can handle by putting your hand on his leg or arm while you speak to him.
Social lubricant: the first 3 drinks of the evening, which takes the edge off your nerves.
HEA (happily ever after): your compulsion to decide the names of the children you will have together before the main course has arrived.
Chocolate binge: the 4 days following the 5th day after the date, when he still hasn’t called.