How to Create the Relationship You Deserve

You deserve a great relationship!

Do you believe that? If you don’t, how do you expect to create a good relationship? Have you noticed that the world we experience tends to conform to what we expect of it? Right Voice for You Facilitator Dr Kacie Crisp shares her tips on how to create the relationship you deserve.

Unfortunately, most people seem to believe that in order to have a relationship at all, they have to give up themselves. This can appear to work for a while, until the sleeping lion inside the self-sacrificer explodes with anger that has been suppressed for months or years.

deserve-relationshipimage via pinterest

In an informal survey I did, the most common concern people had about relationships was how to be in one without giving up themselves. What good is a relationship in which you’ve given yourself away so dramatically that you cannot be you in the relationship?

What steps can you take to be sure you create a great relationship without giving you up?

Don’t take your partner’s point of view personally.

What if their opinion was just their opinion, an expression of them being them, without having anything to do with you?

My husband, for example, loves riding motorcycles. It brings him a joy he finds nowhere else. I find them terrifying. He is smart enough not to expect me to jump on the back with him, and I am happy for him to have his bike and ride it.

At the same time, I let him know my point of view. When he rode down the hill from our house with our then 8-year-old son on the back, I let him know that he was riding off with everything in the world that was most important to me. I just said it once, and I said it without force or drama. I was letting him know my point of view, without asking him to change his.

Consider how what you say will affect your relationship before you say it.

Does my husband do things that are annoying? Of course. But before I say anything about those socks lying around on the floor of the bedroom, looking like they have a life of their own because they still conform to the shape of his foot, I look at whether I really want to pollute the air between us with a complaint. Usually it’s enough to remind myself it’s not worth wasting my time or breath on.

I am sure I give him plenty of things to complain about as well. I figure if I complain less, so will he.

And, if something really bothers me, of course I will say something. I suspect because I complain about him so rarely, when I do, I will have his attention.

Express your gratitude as often as possible.

One of the things that waters the flower in your relationship is gratitude. Can anyone express or receive too much of this magic elixir?

Judgment—your point of view that your partner is somehow wrong—is a relationship killer. Gratitude and judgment cannot exist in the same universe. The more gratitude you have, the less real, relevant, and common your judgments will be.

Gratitude can be for actions large or small. The more you have and the more you sincerely express, the better your relationship will be.

Use questions, not commands or demands, or accusations.

Do you enjoy being told what to do? Neither does almost anyone else. We’re all 2 year olds at heart, and when someone tells us what to do, our gut reaction is to dig our heels in and refuse. Whenever you make a statement about what your partner should do, that’s an order or command. It’s not likely to be well-received. Any statement that starts with “You always….” Is an accusation.

On the other hand, if you ask a question, you create an opening to hear from your partner. Their point of view, while different from yours, could be equally valid and even eye-opening.

Some useful questions are, “Was there a reason you chose x?” “How do you think we could accomplish x (whatever outcome you desire)?” “What would it take for x to occur?” These questions can create a dialog where both of your points of view can be heard and valued.

 

feature image via pinterest

 

Like what you read? Subscribe to our free newsletter for exclusive content and special offers

Related





  • Insta: Follow @rescu.com.au

    • My friend Stephanie Darling wrote a beauty book. It's amazing. Read our interview and her money can't buy expert tips on the site. Thank us later. 💅🏽💄#secretsofabeautyqueen
    • School's out! ❄️ Next time we'll bring gloves and ear muffs..#mummyandme
    • Friday night date with my honey is the perfect excuse to call in @luxit_official glam squad 😍
    • Just another super model and me 😜 @elysetaylor is the ultimate modern day siren.  @nudebynature launch today. Seriously though... #girlcrush
    • Be you 💋
    • And that's a wrap! Perfect shoot for our inspirational women series in partnership with @wedgwoodau @weddedwonderland @jo.casamento @mon_purse @danniellemiller #verawang Tap for details ❤️
    • The golden hour.. Well actually 15 mins or so 😂 before Lilly is awake and I have me time. Currently obsessed with Creed fragrances.
    • All the essentials for Monday's game face. 💄
    • Going to be hard to say goodbye to #vividsydney Taronga Zoo hit it out of the park this year. Lions and Tigers and Bears.. oh my!

  • Get your dose of fabulous delivered to your inbox.

    Sign up for Rescu's newsletter to get updates on top stories, horoscopes, trending videos, and inspirational content.

    SUBSCRIBE NOW!

    Get fashion, beauty, finance, health and love advice from our experts.

    Rescu is an online fashion, beauty and premium lifestyle site. Whether you are looking for fashion, beauty, finance, health and love advice you will find a wealth of information from our resident experts. We publish new content daily so don’t be left behind. Log on daily for the latest fashion, beauty and celebrity news as it happens. Subscribe to our newsletter and enter our contests to win fantastic freebies.