By Simone Milasas,
Dynamic Business Leader
It’s Friday afternoon and your boss has just handed you another urgent project to complete. You have two meetings, competing deadlines and, from past interactions, know they will not be willing to give you an extension for the project. You secretly suspect your boss is a narcissist because appeals to their better nature seem to fall on deaf ears. But how can you be sure?
Signs of narcissism
Leaders in the workplace can be conscious, unconscious and anti-conscious. Conscious leaders allow the business or company freedom to grow because they have no fixed points of view. They’re always looking at the infinite possibilities for money, from any source.
Unconscious leaders are quite certain that they know the right way to run the business. However, they tend to be slow to respond when conditions change and can be left behind.
Anti-conscious leaders make everyone do what they want, when they want them to do it and are constantly on everybody’s back about what they’re doing. They often display little empathy and have a sense of entitlement. A leader who has decided they are narcissistic would fall into the third category.
Everybody assumes that narcissists are self-serving and self-centred; that’s not what is actually occurring. As young children most of them were intensely aware of everything going on around them. If they were raised in a family environment that was full of sadness, anger and conflict it feels so overwhelming they totally shut out other people’s emotions and points of view. They then carry this attitude into adulthood.
Tools you can use
1. What if there were no problems?
In the Friday afternoon scenario above, or any interaction with your boss, instead of looking at it as a problem, what if you started to look for possibilities? The minute you see something as a problem, all you can see are roadblocks and dead ends. You start going into resentment and upset over what you consider to be their unreasonable demands. Instead, start looking at possibilities. Here are some great questions to ask in such a situation: what would it take for this to be a possibility? Or what else can I create? Imagine if everything was about possibility and nothing was about problems, would you get a whole lot more accomplished?
2. Never diminish yourself
When you are willing to truly value you and everything you know, all your capacities and skills this can be a source of intimidation to others. Intimidation does not have to be destructive, harsh or overbearing. It is that place where you are totally and intensely present in the moment and will not diminish yourself no matter what’s going on. Intimidation does not allow anyone to use or take advantage of you. It always puts you in the driver’s seat. What energy would you have to be that you are not willing to be? If you do intimidation from a creative universe, you always invite others to be them, which is possibly one of the few ways to get past the barriers erected by someone on the narcissistic band.
3. Are you the fastest person you know?
If you naturally function at a really fast pace, but your co-workers don’t, it is possible that have you slowed yourself down to match them. What if you functioned at the speed you would truly like to function? Be willing to move as far and fast as you naturally like to and you will achieve something totally different to others in your business. You have to be willing to receive other people’s judgements but chances are, when you are super-fast, no one will even notice!
4. The other side of narcissism
The other side of narcissism is where someone decides they are never going to have their own self-awareness. As children they are highly aware of everyone around them, but this capacity was most probably not acknowledged by their parents.
Ironically, they are willing to know what everyone else needs and will spend their entire life trying to fulfil their boss, mother or father, however, their needs never seem to matter.
If you have been functioning from the other side of narcissism here’s a tool you can use. Ask, where am I in the computation? Where am I in the extrapolation of my life?
About Simone Milasas
Simone loves business and considers it the most adventurous thing you can do. She has created several businesses, and worked in many industries and also in different countries. She is currently the Worldwide Coordinator of Access Consciousness, a major multi-million dollar company that operates in over 173 countries. Simone has run the successful and growing Australian company for over 12 years. She is the author of Joy of Business. For Simone’s free video series on Putting the Fun Back Into Business click here.