This time of year brings festivity and joy as you wind down and look forward to the new year. However, for some, it can also be filled with a tinge of regret. All those grandiose New Years Resolutions set in January fell by the way side as the year moved on. You recognise another year has passed and you’re feeling a little depressed and deflated as you still are not where you want to be. Debbie Spellman, Mind Detox Therpist and Life Coach gives some valuable advice on how to overcome the yearly blues.
Looking a little closer you notice those old habits caught up with you around February and in the blink of an eye the year swept past leaving you in much the same place as previous years, except another year older.
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Sound a little like you? If so, rather than dwelling on all you didn’t achieve let’s pro-actively take a look at your year and end 2014 without regrets feeling empowered and inspired to make the actual changes you desire in 2015.
So before that time of year comes around again when you promise to yourself ‘this’ will be the best year of your life – you need to focus on what hasn’t worked in previous years to avoid these same regrets following along behind.
The only constant in your life, is you. Year after year if you’re not moving forward there comes a time when you need to look within. Here’s how to end your year without regrets both now and in the future.
With a notepad, pen and a moment of solitude reflect over this year honestly and truthfully by asking yourself these questions:
1. What habits and behaviours have not served you?
What has prevented you moving forward in your health, wellbeing, career, business or relationships? Is it laziness, procrastination or disorganisation? Were you not as committed in the workplace as you thought you would be or did you not give enough to your loved ones or friendships? List out all of the character traits, habits and behaviours that prevented you from getting the results you wanted.
Now we are going to go a little deeper.
Next to each point ask yourself why? For example; ‘Why was I not committed to work?’, ‘Why did I consistently procrastinate on X, Y or Z’.
This is where you get really honest with yourself because if you don’t understand why you are behaving the way you are – you can’t own it to change it.
The universal law of cause and effect is in place at all times. So what does this mean for you? Well, think about what you just wrote. The effect of these undesirable actions (or lack of action) has caused the effect of ‘regret’ because you are not where you want to be.
We can always find ‘external’ reasons as to why we didn’t achieve all we wanted this year – however ultimately this responsibilities lies within us. Perhaps you are blaming a lack of money, life circumstances or the economy. Truth be told there are people achieving their dreams beyond their circumstances so today you’re excuses fall on deaf ears.
So let’s find out. What were the blocks that prevented you from reaching your desired life this year?
Remember you are not to blame external things; dig deeper to find the cause.
This could be a lack of self-belief, fear of the unknown or not having the courage to step up or speak up. Get truthful with yourself and write these down.
Own these parts of yourself – not to beat yourself up but to recognise there are parts of you which you need to work on. Only when you take responsibility for what is not working and focus on improving these elements of yourself, do you give yourself the opportunity to step up to a higher potential.
The most effective way to move past regret is to find the learning in each situation.
Let’s take the above circumstances for instance. Much of your regret from this year may be due to the things you didn’t commit to or the fears which held you back. Rather than sit in self-pity feeling helpless to change, rise above this and commit to becoming a better version of yourself.
If you have difficulty speaking up and sharing your truth – begin to practice courage in the small conversations and work on increasing your self-worth.
Perhaps laziness kept you on the couch far too many times after work when you know you should have been at the gym. Instead of dwelling on the 5kg’s you are still carrying know that it’s up to you to push past resistance and do the work if you want to see results!
Now there will be situations that occurred this year which were in fact out of your control. We can’t always predict what life throws our way but we do have complete control over how we perceive and react to these moments.
I truly believe opportunities are given to us in the disguise as problems. Who do you need to become or what do you need to learn in order for you to rise above what you perceive as a problem. Perhaps it’s kindness or compassion. Maybe it’s a new skill at work. There is always a lesson if you listen.
Moving into the New Year there is only one thing getting in the way of where you are and where you desire to be, and that is you. You are either stuck in all the reasons and excuses as to why you can’t get results or you are out there getting results!
You deserve to live to your true potential so harness courage, be brave and this coming year push past resistance and fear and go after what it is you truly want. No excuses!