The Blow-By-Blow Guide To Oral Sex

Shut your windows, close your blinds and settle in – things are about to get a bit risque. Lady Friday’s going to take you through blow-by-blow.  So to speak.
Ladies, if you’ve ever been worried that your, shall we say, skills with your mouth are less than the best, cease those doubts. One: I’m sure you’re fantastic and cause more chaos with your tongue than a traffic jam. Two: your refresher course is right here.

So here it is – RESCU’s guide to oral sex.  Note: this is a both-gender guide, and is (in case you haven’t guessed) bluntly NSFW.

Also, if you want to lead the partner in your life into the right direction about pleasing you, be assertive and tell him/her you’d ‘love it if you tried this’. Don’t print out this article and leave it pointedly on the kitchen bench. Passive aggression = not sexy.


• Learn from your partner’s reactions.

This seems like a no-brainer, but quite a lot of women use the same technique on all successive partners with differing results, to their surprise and disappointment. If he squirms when you flick with your tongue, flick with your tongue. If biting him on the hip leaves him cold, stop the biting on the hip. Take mental notes and experiment accordingly.

• If you’re not with a monogamous partner, use a condom.

If you don’t do this, please go have a cold shower and sit on your hands until you are prepared to behave like a sensible human being. Unless, of course, you enjoy the possibility of genital warts.

• Use your hands.

A combination of hands, tongue and suction creates a lovely confusion of sensations for your partner. Touch, tap, shiver your fingers up and down sensitive patches, and see what happens.

• Experiment with pressure, temperature and rhythm.

Don’t just bob away. Entertain yourself! Test different pressures and movements of your tongue along the shaft and tip – flicking, hard pressing, circles. Blow cold air and then warm it up again. Go slow and then fast – and then slow again.

Keep up suction rather than simply imitating a blow-up doll. Also, remember that twisting around the shaft with your mouth can create immense pleasure, and relieve the pressure on your mouth.

• Don’t believe you have to deep throat to be good.

If your partner is of significant size or girth, deep throating can hurt. As with most sexual practise, Jenna Jameson-like moves aren’t necessary to get 5 stars.

It’s good to keep the whole of the area stimulated, though, so run your tongue up and down the lower parts you aren’t willing to attempt to insert into your breathing tube.

• Prolong rather than go fast and furious.

A basic rule of sexual practise: teasing, or the act of bringing to the brink of orgasm and back again repeatedly, builds the intensity of the final release. It also allows you to alter your position, avoid getting lockjaw, and enjoy your power.

Learn the signs of building to orgasm, and work in a wave-like rhythm.

• If you aren’t squeamish, venture into ball territory.

There are some women who hate doing this, and fair enough. It’s hardly the most attractive thing to do with your afternoon. However, if you’re game, don’t restrict your tongue or fingers purely to the main event. Be light, though – sensitivity levels are very high.


• Change positions and keep things fresh.

Women can be difficult to keep continually stimulated, so a rigorous, repetitive tongue bath will probably not really cut it. Surprise her with a varied repertoire and stay on top of what she likes. Some ladies like to be sucked, others bitten, others teased with the tip of the tongue – keep tabs.

• Pay attention to the hips, the insides of the thighs, the butt and other areas.

Female flesh is a wonderful thing. Explore it thoroughly – it will awaken sensitivity for your partner in all these areas, and enhance her arousal, clinically speaking. Roam with your hands and mouth.

• Alternate or combine with fingers.

Oral does not have to be purely oral by any means, though you need consent (and any protection you deem appropriate) before combining your mouthing with insertion of anything.

Oh, and please cut your nails.

• Keep in mind the shape of your tongue and the different sensations it can cause.

Flattening your tongue into a wide shape like a leaf, using just the tip as if you’re licking an ice cream cone, curling it into a circle – all of these should be conscious decisions on your part to do destructive things to your lover’s sentence-forming capability.

• The clitoris is not a button.

Circle it, stroke it, flick it, suck gently on its general area, but for god’s sake don’t press on it expecting a doorbell. AAAGH.

Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…

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