A new study seems to show that hopping into bed on the first date might be the foundation for lasting love. Does it prove what it claims? Lady Friday investigates…
Traditionally, women are told that they can’t ‘give it up’ until the third, fourth or seventh date (or some other arbitrary number) because otherwise there’s no chance that the other partner will fall in love.
‘Making them wait’ is a technique to form an emotional bond before ‘sex getting in the way’, apparently.
There are about eighteen different reasons why this is incredibly silly, particularly for grown consenting adults who know what they’re doing – but now science might have added another to the mix.
Far from sexual intimacy obstructing blossoming romantic feeling, it turns out they share the same area of the brain – and that lustful thoughts and feelings can transform into a connecting love.
Yep, getting intimate on the first date might actually be a founding principle for a decent relationship – if this neuroscience is to be believed.
Concordia University in Montreal have revealed that, contrary to popular belief, love and sex aren’t divided in the brain. Instead, they both activate different segments of the same common area, the striatum.
Lust, orgasms and desire activate the ventral striatum, while love activates the dorsal striatum, the segment which regulates emotions and bonding thoughts. This means that the feelings inspired by the two aren’t necessarily as dissimilar as first believed.
However, the relationship between these two areas of the striatum isn’t entirely clear, and the study seems to leap to conclusions. The scientists believe that it forms some kind of continuum – sparks in the desire-part inspiring sparks in the bonding-part- and they did 20 MRI scans to check.
It turns out that not only is there some overlap between the two segments, there’s also an overlap between lust and love in the insula or insular cortex, a part of the brain involved in emotion and consciousness.
So there is a neurological relationship between lust and love – and it’s deeper than we anticipated.
The scientists also discovered that feeling more bonded to your partner after intimacy is neurological. Once you reward your desire with a big O, your brain switches onto loving or emotional feelings as a reaction. So not only is lust a bonding exercise over the long term, it works immediately.
So what does this mean for you? It means that lust and desire fulfilment on the first date or encounter might actually be a neurological investment towards a longer, meaningful relationship. However, there are many more studies to be done before we can say that for sure.
It also means that you can continue having emotion-free encounters, if that’s your choice, with an increased awareness of how both parties may develop feelings afterwards.
And you can still wait, if knowing a new partner’s character more intimately is important to you before you get naked in front of them. That’s cool, too – but it won’t be because you need to form a solid bond before hopping into bed. It turns out the solid bond happens in bed just as much as anywhere else.
One thing missing from preliminary reports on this study – whether there’s any difference between the male and female brain. Lady Friday will keep you posted…
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…