Intimacy And Your Ex: A Good Combination?

To do or not to do the ex – that is the question, and Lady Friday has the answer: no.

Frankly, I have as much desire to bed my most recent ex as I do for being thrown into a pit of vipers, bears and carnivorous fish. Together. No thank you.

This, however, is a personal thing. Bedding your ex is a surprisingly common go-to position for women. They know your body, they know your personality, and all the feelings are ‘out of the way’ – so how can it hurt?

But I’m going to come out and say it – it’s a poor idea.

If you’re broken up, you’re broken up. I don’t care if the sex was so fantastic you were crawling up and down the walls and screaming like Christina Aguilera.

Image Via: Pinterest

You’re a big girl, so if you think you can handle it, go ahead – but here are a few words of warning.

Sex does not simplify. It complicates. Break-ups necessitate a certain amount of space, but even with years and years between the relationship’s end and now, there’s still a history there. Whatever your situation, it’s going to be hard putting distance between the fantastic sex and the feelings.

Plus, in the interim between your relationship’s end and your current bedding, they may have had other sexual encounters. You certainly can’t have comfortable, no-protection monogamous sex with them – and they may have learnt some new habits you find yourself uncomfortable with.

Big No To Ex-Sex

Often women who sleep with their exes fool themselves into thinking that they’re perfectly fine with the dynamic remaining sexual, until emotions or habits of behaviour creep in again.  Ex-sex often leads to a miniature revival of the relationship’s internal problems, since sex is a microcosm of the romantic dynamic.

And then, of course, there’s the thinking that if they still want to sleep with you, maybe they’ll realise that they want to be with you after all. Please don’t do this. They don’t – and if they do, you need to have a serious talk with your clothes ON.

This is my philosophy: if you got out of a relationship, you need to stay out. Maintaining intimate contact with an ex is not ‘making the best of it’ – it’s dragging out the recovery process. It makes it harder for both of you to move on.

If you keep coming back to one another, it’s an unhealthy and unfulfilling dynamic which gives nothing to either of you.

Clean break-ups are every person’s right; you need to respect your partners and yourself enough to get on with life and stop mucking about lustfully. There are six billion people in the world. There will be somebody else out there who pushes your buttons, and he won’t come with a history of meeting your parents.

Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…

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