Tricks For Phasing Out a Friend With Benefits

Got a friend with benefits you’d rather do without?  Lady Friday’s got all you need to know.

Earlier this year, I advocated the bedroom-only relationship – and I still do. No strings, no emotions, no problem!

So let’s say you’ve gone this route, and it’s worked out spectacularly. Good for you, you empowered modern woman.

friends-with-benefitsimage via pinterest

But now – something happens.

Let’s say you meet a person you’d like to be monogamous with. Or you decide to be celibate and devote time to knitting and updating your blog about Kylie Minogue. Or you’re moving to Byron Bay and starting an organic tofu business. Whatever.

It’s time for the bedroom buddy to go bye-bye – but how?

Number one tip: be honest.

Don’t be the girl who just stops answering phone calls and booty texts. Sure, it’s an easy way around the problem, but it’s also kind of cowardly.

Respect in all things, ladies. Even if the gentleman or lady in question was only between the sheets rather than escorting you to the movies, they still need to be treated with integrity.

Call them up. Yes, use the phone. Yes, that thing with buttons your mother uses to harass you. No, not a text. No, not email either, and particularly not Twitter or Texts From Last Night.

The conversation will probably be awkward, so catch them at a time when they’re not going to be surrounded by workmates, friends, colleagues or perhaps some other person they’re romancing.

Be straightforward and tactful. A simple ‘The situation has changed, and I simply can’t see you any more’ is fine. If your friend with benefits is equally possessing in tact, they won’t demand an explanation, but if they do, tell the truth.

No, really. It’ll hurt their feelings much less than if you say you ‘just need to focus on re-aligning your chakras right now’, and then three days later they see you making out with your new partner at a restaurant.

Hopefully you can leave it without acrimony, pain or damaged egos. The one exception to the tell-the-truth rule is if they’d started turning you off in bed. I’ll leave that one to your individual etiquette judgement – but telling somebody they’ve evolved into the bedroom equivalent of a sprained ankle is usually the domain of Serious Girlfriends.

The next step

If you’ve cut them off, hold to that decision. Even if drunk. Even if bored. Don’t get back into a friends-with-benefits situation unless you’re all clear in every other relationship department.

Should you stay friends? Up to you. If you liked hanging out with them and they actually happened to be a decent friend without the benefits attached, give it a go – but if it’s all going to be too ‘I’ve seen you naked’ awkward, be gracious, let it go and move on.

And if they’ve developed feelings for you which they choose to confess – a polite variation of ‘sorry, but tough luck’ is all you need.

Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…

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