Deep Diving: Exploring Same Sex Attractions

Have an inkling you may not be solely attracted to guys?  Let Lady Friday set you straight, figuratively speaking.

same-sex-newsletterimage via pinterest

A friend of mine – a very heterosexual, very German man (somehow that makes him even MORE heterosexual) – recently ran into me at a party and grabbed my arm.  He’d done something embarrassing, he said. Something I’d LOVE.

He’d found out about a charity dating program.  So, being curious, he’d dutifully signed up, filled in a form, and showed up to a date; only to meet, to his slight astonishment, another guy.

“I’d subconsciously ticked Male Seeking Male,” he sighed to me at the party. “I think my brain knows something I don’t!”

He wouldn’t be the only one. Experimenting with your sexuality appears to be as ‘in’ as chambray these days.

My German friend is, I’m fairly sure, straight. Guess what, though? If you find Christina Hendricks mind-blowingly hot, decide Sigourney Weaver is awesome (and if you don’t, frankly you need help), or find yourself lusting after that cute female librarian down the road, it doesn’t mean you’re secretly a lesbian. (It might, of course, but that’s not the point.)

It means that you’re, to a certain extent, attracted to women. No need to stop the presses. Right?

The lack of education on the spectrum of sexual attraction always astonishes me. When Samantha started dating a woman on Sex & The City, the comments – that she’d ‘run out of men’, that she was ‘a lesbian’ all of a sudden- stuck in my craw. It’s the 21st century. Surely we’ve grown out of the 1950s you’re-straight-or-you’re-not boxes?

Apparently not.

If you are discovering an aspect of your sexuality which is not strictly male-oriented, here’s a tip: explore. That does not mean immediately going out, picking up a woman, and seeing how far you want to go (yes, that does happen, and no, it isn’t very fair on the lady you’re experimenting on). It means, well, being scientific.

Find out what about women attracts you: images, specific clothing, one woman in particular, sexual situations in general, voices perhaps. I know a very straight woman who is attracted purely and solely to Rachel Maddow (which – yeah, fair enough), and another who develops very intense connections with charismatic women she admires. Distinguish sexual attraction from intense admiration, ‘girl-crushes’, and envy. Read up. Observe.

It doesn’t have to be about attaining a final result. It’s important to ‘know thyself’ in a sexual sense, so that you have a fulfilled intimate life, both inwardly and with partners. Plus, guess what?  Exploration is FUN.

Lady Friday xx

Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…

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