Why Faking It In The Bedroom Gets You Nowhere

Lady Friday’s got some news for fakers: you aren’t helping anybody, particularly not yourself.
So, according to a study of 3,000 women, one in ten of us fakes an orgasm every time we have sex.  Yes, you read that right.

fakingimage via pinterest

What is going on here, ladies?

If asked why they fake it, women come out with statements like this:

– “If I don’t come, it will hurt his/her feelings.”
– “I was tired and just wanted to get it over with.”
– “I don’t want to damage his ego.”
– “I love him/her and coming isn’t all that important to me.”
– “It’s early in the relationship and I don’t know how to tell him to do things differently yet.”
– “I don’t want to seem like I’m difficult to please.”
– “I’ve never had an orgasm and don’t know what to ask, so it just seems easier to pretend.”

See a pattern here?

While most of the women think a little white orgasm-lie necessary, most men actually think it is a very poor idea.

So do I. Here’s why.

Men don’t want or need to have their egos protected in bed. They aren’t fragile little creatures who need to be told they’re wonderful before they can put in a decent performance. Give a man a choice between a sense of fake achievement and actually giving you a real orgasm, and guess which one he’ll go for.

If you don’t come, you don’t come. If he needs to try harder or do something differently, you have the right to ask him to do it – though being polite would be nice.

There are a couple of underlying issues in the whole faking discussion. One is the tendency for women to think that their own needs are less important than their partner’s, or less important than the stability of the relationship. You aren’t just there for your partner to get his rocks off, but faking perpetuates that idea.

The other issue is how we view sex in general. I don’t like the idea of sex as a chase to the finish. It’s OK not to orgasm. Is that such a revolutionary thought? There’s an entire universe to sex and pleasure outside that one (albeit very enjoyable) mind-blowing moment.

We’ve built up orgasm to be some kind of goal without which the game has no meaning. Sex, however, is not the World Cup. Maybe we should stop being so damn orgasm-centric.
Not knowing how to reach orgasm at all is a different problem. Frank communication about sex can be hard, but your pleasure is something he should be willing to help you to achieve. If he isn’t, why on earth are you sleeping with him anyway?

If you can’t reach orgasm with him, be up front about needing a change. Experimentation is great and nobody’s feelings need to get hurt.

Besides, if he thinks what he’s doing is turning you on, why should he have any motivation to change his normal, non-O-producing routine?

It comes down to this: Your sexual needs are just as important as his. If you fake it, no amount of ego-stroking is going to alter the fact that a) you’re not getting satisfied and b) he’s getting lied to.

Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…

 

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