Been out of the game for a while? Lady Friday’s here to show you how to re-enter the bedroom in style.
We all have droughts. Some of them last for weeks, others for months, others for years.
Unless you’re one of the luckiest women alive, you’re never going to be knocking boots on tap all day long, every day. There will come a time when there’s a break – and then, after the lull, the temperature will rise.
image via pinterest
However, studies show that people who haven’t been intimate for a while have lower confidence about their performance than regular sexual partners – and it shows.
So here’s how to dust off the cobwebs and introduce yourself to the bedroom as if it were the first time, all over again…
1. Start thinking of yourself in a sexual way again.
Without regular bedroom action, it can become an effort to even contemplate intimacy without frustration, annoyance or a feeling of burden – so many of us, in dry spells, simply stop thinking about it after a while.
This is the first thing you have to target if you want to be ready for a show-stopping performance.
Everybody’s triggers are different – clothing, a make-over, baths, pornography – but if you know what it takes to make you feel confident, do it.
It doesn’t have to be as obvious as a low-cut dress, either. We don’t work with cliches. A woman once commented that she felt at her sexiest when painting, for instance.
And whatever voice in your head is telling you ‘you’re too old/this is silly/you’re a fool’, shut it up, and proceed with confidence.
2. Get out the items which made you feel like a sexual being. We all have things in our arsenal which make us get all tingly inside.
For some women it’s lingerie. For others it’s toys, a particular film, or music. Introduce these things slowly back into your life. Be conscious of your skin, your movement, and your pleasure again.
Don’t rush it – if you’ve been a nun for a bit, it might all feel a bit alien – but be reminded of your own presence.
3. Masturbate, frequently and well. Don’t tell me you don’t have time, energy, desire or will to do it.
Make the time, and everything else will follow. Think of this as heating up the oven – slowly, by degrees, to prepare for later work.
It’s also pretty essential on its own, so if you’ve been neglecting yourself, stop it. If it feels like a chore, you may be doing it wrong – be open to new pointers and ideas.
4. Don’t make excuses.
Don’t tell yourself ‘oh, I’ll be terrible, I haven’t done this for so long’. Don’t give yourself permission to feel incapable.
Getting into bed with a new partner is fraught enough without self-doubt and your sinking into pity. Share the time gap with them if you’d like, but not in a way which you think will make them ‘go easy’ on you.
You want to be treated like an actual person, not judged like a gymnast. Own your sexuality, infrequently used or not!
5. Be realistic and stay upbeat. If, in the event, things go wrong – which they generally do, regardless of how often everybody involved has done it – chill out about it.
It’s just a romp, not a judgement on your lifestyle or lack of desirability. If your partner turns around and blames it on your dry spell or lack of practise, you have the right to tell them to bugger off.
Getting intimate is not a matter of remembering your times table. It doesn’t dissolve from you with time.
If you’ve given yourself plenty of heat and oomph, everybody should have a very good time – and be back again for seconds.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday….