image via pinterest
Whether it’s your period, recent weight gain or loss, bruises, blotchy skin, excess hair or the remote possibility that you’re growing an extra head, everybody’s felt bad about themselves naked at some point (Gisele Bundchen possibly excepted.)
This is bad enough when you’re clothed – but when it starts affecting your intimate life, it’s time to be proactive. Take your cue from the sexy Tess Holiday and kick those negative thoughts so hard they can feel it in Nebraska.
Find positions that highlight what you love about yourself.
The good thing about intimacy is that it’s endlessly versatile. If, no matter how much good work you do being positive about your body, you get upset if you see your thighs jiggle midair, shift positions.
This technique’s been around so long it’s in Ovid. Yes, you read that correctly. He had a whole list of the best positions to highlight the various assets of women – beautiful breasts and luscious stomachs should go on top, wonderful backs should be seen from behind, fantastic legs should be visible from the front, and so on.
This, however, is only the tip of the iceberg. You need to get into a position where no matter what you see of your body, you think it’s smoking hot.
Recognise that genuinely, really, your partner doesn’t care.
Being beautiful or conventionally ‘thin’ has absolutely nothing to do with good sex. Zero. Zip. The marriages and relationships of the thin, toned and buxom suffer from the same problems as anybody else’s.
The key part of any healthy sexual relationship, regardless of the size, body tone or skin firmness of the participants, is sizzling attraction (and respect, and communication, and those are part of this strategy too).
While, obviously, the centre of self-esteem isn’t about pleasing other people, it can be very reassuring to know that to a partner, cellulite, scars, stretch marks and whatever else generally mean absolutely nada.
Do you hold your partner to the same dizzying standards you hold yourself? Chances are, probably not – they may have weird toes or a crooked smile or skinny arms, but your attraction to them engulfs those things rather than focuses on them. Keep that in mind.
Indulge your body and celebrate its sexiness.
You are a sexy lady. That is a fact. If you want to be healthier, stronger, more able to wrestle bears, that’s great too – but belief in your own sexiness must be a constant rather than dependent on the number on your scale.
Spend more time with your body, appreciating its strength, its capabilities and its excellent dance moves. Buy spectacular lingerie to show it off. Parade it in bikinis. Be naked more often.
And every time a negative thought pops into your head, try and convert it into positivity. ‘I look so fat/skinny today’ needs to go. ‘I look luscious, and if I want to exercise and change my shape I can, but I’m gorgeous just the way I am’ is a better one. See your GP or therapist for tips on reversing negative thinking.
Find more pictures of sexy, confident people who look like you
This is a very important step for many women: to find images of women with their body type, rocking a corset and suspenders or even nothing at all.
It’s partially why the rise in plus-size models is so awesome. Ladies can be fuller-figured and still look awesome in and out of clothes! Who’d have thought?
Even though we’re less visual than men, part of the modern body image problem for ladies is the constant barrage of images of thin/tall/cheekbony/blonde ladies, and acceptable antidotes to this formula for sexiness are difficult to find.
Next time you feel as if exposing yourself to a lover would be tantamount to singing live on Australian Idol, find some pictures of ladies who look like you and glean confidence from how they hold themselves.
Get your partner to list aloud what they love about your body.
Sometimes reassurance is a good thing. Not all the time – the only person who can make you feel sexy is, ultimately, you – but it’s a fun exercise.
Get your partner to name everything on your body that they love, slowly, and kissing each part. It’s a self-esteem boost with a very sizzling side.
Chances are the opportunity to lavish praise on you will be a very high stimulant for both of you – and return the favour if you feel generous.
Try an athletic or daring bedroom move to boost your confidence.
Your body may not be meeting your high standards this morning, but it’s still flexible and strong enough to sustain being held up against a wall, bent all the way to the toes, you name it.
Find a position that looks like it could genuinely celebrate your strengths, and go for it. Try the Kama Sutra for ideas, and be prepared to have fun…
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…