Your libido, in other words, has gone south for the winter –or more south than usual. So what do you do?
– Go swimming, take up yoga, or do a calming physical activity for 30 minutes a day which gets the blood flowing. High-intensity sports which require a lot of concentration can work too – but don’t exhaust yourself into a stupor, or you’ll be too tired to even undress, let alone disrobe seductively.
– If you’ve been with your partner a while, the problem may simply be boredom. Challenge your routine; get close again. Spend time being physically intimate without having sex – cuddling, massaging, hugging, kissing. If there were old activities you did together which kindled sexual feelings and won’t freak anybody out, give them a try.
– An interesting idea: have sex in the afternoon. This, rather than late at night or early in the morning, is when hormones tend to peak. (The 9-to-5 model of work is wrong for so many reasons.)
– Don’t put tremendous amounts of pressure on it. If you think ‘I’m gonna feel sexy, I’m going to get my libido working again, it will work, it will WORK, IT WILL WORK’, your libido, like any other sane thing, will go fleeing in the opposite direction and hide under the coffee table.
– Go to the doctor. It may be embarrassing confessing to your GP that you’re not crazed with lust, but if you’re concerned it’s a medical rather than a psychological issue (as in, it comes with other symptoms), best get it checked out, in case you ARE secretly a mutant.
– Work more on getting close with your own body. Any reader of the site will know I’m a big fan of sex toys, but all you need sometimes is a little bit of private time and your own body. Get a bath, a babysitter and a lock on the door. Sometimes just the space itself will be enough to make you feel more in touch – though, hey, naked time can’t hurt.
– Eat figs, garlic, very dark chocolate, gingko balboa, and ginseng. All have anecdotal aphrodisiac qualities – plus they’re healthy in small quantities, and if you’re feeling sluggish your libido is hardly going to be in Full Party Mode. (Note: don’t combine them. That’s disgusting.)
– NEVER EVER take so-called ‘medical aids’, like nose-sprays or ground rhino-horn or the blood of a Transylvanian virgin, without proper medical advice. I don’t care what your friend’s uncle’s cousin’s medical-student son told him. See a GP, and you won’t end up getting ripped off or harming any rhinos. Everybody wins!
Lady Friday xx
Taking pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday….
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