Lost The Bedroom Urge? Simple Ways To Get You Feeling Horny

Lost the bedroom urge? RESCU comes, well, to the rescue.
The libido is a capricious beast. Sometimes it can rage so strongly that you kind of want to beat it on the head with a poker until it leaves your life and loins, and goes to bother somebody else.
Then, of course, there are the opposite times – dry spells, barren periods, whatever you want to call them. A cold wind sets in over your lady-parts. Your only thought about ripping off clothes is indignation at the tailoring fees. The sight of people fondling in public makes you snort through your nose rather than loosen your collar.
image via pinterest

Your libido, in other words, has gone south for the winter –or more south than usual. So what do you do?
First things first – this is normal, and can actually be kind of a relief, particularly if you’ve just come out of a period of very heavy sexual activity. You are not a mutant. (Well, maybe you are, I don’t know your life.)
Reasons? It could be hormonal, or age-related. Sexual drive does lessen in many women as they enter their 50s – some earlier than that, depending on menopause. However, any reader of A Round-Heeled Woman knows that libidos can keep pumping late into the twilight years (though they may not want to think about it).
More likely you’re stressed, or busy, or just not wanting it right now thank you very much. (This is perfectly fine. Women who feel pressured into sex by expectations or their partners can develop lower libidos because of it – which is an entirely different issue. If your lack of libido doesn’t worry you, good for you, and I wish you health, happiness and decent if infrequent orgasms.)
If you do want to get your libido out of its recession and back into healthy boom levels of activity, go through this checklist.


– Go swimming, take up yoga, or do a calming physical activity for 30 minutes a day which gets the blood flowing. High-intensity sports which require a lot of concentration can work too – but don’t exhaust yourself into a stupor, or you’ll be too tired to even undress, let alone disrobe seductively.

– If you’ve been with your partner a while, the problem may simply be boredom. Challenge your routine; get close again. Spend time being physically intimate without having sex – cuddling, massaging, hugging, kissing. If there were old activities you did together which kindled sexual feelings and won’t freak anybody out, give them a try.

– An interesting idea: have sex in the afternoon. This, rather than late at night or early in the morning, is when hormones tend to peak. (The 9-to-5 model of work is wrong for so many reasons.)

– Don’t put tremendous amounts of pressure on it. If you think ‘I’m gonna feel sexy, I’m going to get my libido working again, it will work, it will WORK, IT WILL WORK’, your libido, like any other sane thing, will go fleeing in the opposite direction and hide under the coffee table.

– Go to the doctor. It may be embarrassing confessing to your GP that you’re not crazed with lust, but if you’re concerned it’s a medical rather than a psychological issue (as in, it comes with other symptoms), best get it checked out, in case you ARE secretly a mutant.

– Work more on getting close with your own body. Any reader of the site will know I’m a big fan of sex toys, but all you need sometimes is a little bit of private time and your own body. Get a bath, a babysitter and a lock on the door. Sometimes just the space itself will be enough to make you feel more in touch – though, hey, naked time can’t hurt.

– Eat figs, garlic, very dark chocolate, gingko balboa, and ginseng. All have anecdotal aphrodisiac qualities – plus they’re healthy in small quantities, and if you’re feeling sluggish your libido is hardly going to be in Full Party Mode. (Note: don’t combine them. That’s disgusting.)

– NEVER EVER take so-called ‘medical aids’, like nose-sprays or ground rhino-horn or the blood of a Transylvanian virgin, without proper medical advice. I don’t care what your friend’s uncle’s cousin’s medical-student son told him. See a GP, and you won’t end up getting ripped off or harming any rhinos. Everybody wins!

Lady Friday xx

Taking pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday….


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