Just moved in together? Lady Friday has all the tips for keeping things sizzling after you’ve made the leap…
There are some couples who never do it – Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton live in separate houses on the same street – but most of us mere mortals have contemplated cohabitation at some point.
So how can you keep the spark with your partner if they’re around to see your every badly-folded shirt, flu-induced snore and toenail cutting session? It can be difficult – but RESCU’s here to help.
Enjoy the privacy.
You don’t have roommates, parents or anybody else to disturb your idyll – so take advantage of that. Walk around naked, initiate things in the dining room or somewhere else unexpected, brazenly display your lingerie or toys. This is your space, and you can make it as sizzling as you like, not just stack the dishwasher and argue about bleach.
Also, preserve some of that privacy for your own – we’ve all seen the skits about people on the toilet with their spouses in the room, but it’s worth having some secrets from one another, as long as they’re not too inconvenient.
See each other outside the house.
Having a shared living space does not mean amalgamating your lives, your brains and your interests forevermore. Chances are, if you do you’ll rapidly become bored and your bedroom life will suffer.
Bedroom connections thrive on each partner knowing what they want, what they like and how they want to get it – and seeing their partner as a separate person with drive and personality. Make time to see each other out of the house, if not on date nights then on other social occasions. Give it a ritual – don’t take it for granted. Make an effort for one another, in contexts other than the house. It helps many relationships to keep the spark going long after the cohabiting has started.
Contemplate separate beds or living spaces.
This isn’t for everybody. I did a column a while ago about the phenomenon of separate beds, and how it was shown to improve libido and desire in certain relationships. If you have the space, you might want to contemplate demarcating a bit of private area for yourself.
The plus-side in this? If you don’t sleep together every night, the times you do become special – and it becomes a choice, rather than a necessity, to be in each others’ presence, which heightens appreciation and desire.
Christen every room.
This is fairly standard practise. It’s your place – you should have happy, sexy memories in every room. Just make sure you clean up properly afterwards…
Keep the bedroom for sleep and other activities.
It’s hard, particularly in today’s smaller living spaces in urban areas, to restrict the bed to purely intimate and sleeping purposes, but it’s been shown to be psychologically beneficial, particularly to long-term couples.
If you associate the bed purely with affection and rest, it will be easier to focus and be turned on – whereas if it’s crowded with other activities, it’s more difficult to find a sensual space in your head. It’s an odd feature of human psychology, but environment matters, so try to resist the temptation to curl up and write that report in bed.
Keep up the intimacy.
You’re in each others’ space much more often now, so make sure to appreciate your partner and touch, kiss or hug them – even a simple hand trailing across the back reminds you both of your desire and connection.
Scientific studies have shown that couples who connect in a physical way every day – even in small ways like holding hands – maintain an intimate connection for longer.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
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