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Foreplay is one of the quickest parts of the bedroom action to become entrenched in routine. Kiss, touch, some fingers, then it’s off to the main ball game.
If you don’t do it properly – as many women don’t – arousal is impaired, which means you’re less likely to reach orgasm and more likely to have injuries. We’ve all had tears down there from under-lubricated fun – so don’t take the risk.
Here are some good ideas to get things going – for her, for him, for both of you.
Linger on neglected places.
It seems there’s a new erogenous zone every two minutes – the ear, the nose, god knows what else – but there are a few tried and true favourites that always seem to get neglected.
The neck is linked very strongly to arousal – and is a safe thing to touch, scratch and lick while you’re both clothed. The inner thighs are notoriously sensitive, as are the sides of the torso, the shoulder blades and the underside of the bottom (just at the top of the thigh).
Spend time massaging, scratching, kissing and attending to these places and the results will be overheating.
Regard each other from a distance.
If you’re in the routine of lights-out, under-the-covers, break it and let each other see your true selves. Dress up in lingerie if you like, but put body worries to the wind and reveal yourself as a delectable creature.
And this goes double for your partner – sight is a strong part of arousal alongside touch, so eyeing one another undressing can be as powerful as actually grabbing one another.
Spend time detailing what you’ll do to one another and what you enjoy.
Once you’re actually naked, utilise your vocabulary. Ask what they want to do to you, what they love about your body, what they fantasise about doing to it.
Keep it in low whispers and demand demonstrations. This can go either way – but it’s best to do while actually touching one another, or you might risk getting so caught up in your elaborate word-fantasy that you never act it out. Unless, of course, you’d like to touch yourself to turn your partner on.
It’s amazing how frightened people are of using their teeth in the bedroom. Genitalia certainly don’t need a bite, but everywhere else is pretty much ripe for the nibbling.
The combination of hard and soft touches and contact – a stroke with a slightly painful bite – keeps things interesting, rhythmic and hyper-sensitive. Don’t be afraid to ask them to move their bites to other areas – thin-skinned parts can be painful.
Utilise the little-known dynamite triangle.
Most people hone in immediately on the obvious places, but there’s a particular conjunction of limbs that, when stroked, raises temperatures fast.
It’s the triangle made by the space where the leg joins the body and the small sensitive part of hip above. It’s just out of reach of the mons, but it’s hyper-sensitive and guaranteed to produce awe-struck groans when touched and tickled.
Bring in some spanking.
An unexpected smack across the bottom can actually be a turn-on. Make sure this is something they actually like by doing it during sex first, because if it’s not working for them then it won’t work earlier on.
Don’t aim for thin areas like the small of the back. Go for the bottom and the thighs – and no smacking of breasts, ever, unless you want to get smacked across the head.
Grind like teenagers.
This seems very undignified, but it will probably bring back some teenage memories. Rub against one another while clothed to maintain the arousal impact when you do disrobe.
It’s all very sensual and innocent, but it’s still got lots of potential to get very adult later on.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
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