Self-love, as the polite term goes, is one of the healthiest sexual acts on the planet. By really getting to know your body and your libido in your own time and space, you can understand what turns you on.
However, some women feel a bit uncomfortable or strange without a partner to help them along, or you may be in the habit of rushing through the experience of pleasuring yourself, rather than savouring it. If that’s you, it’s time to re-discover the art of self-love with these tips and tricks for making pleasuring yourself a fun, sexy experience.
Set the scene.
If you’re just lying in bed in your cotton pajamas with the noise of traffic, no wonder it’s difficult to feel sexy. Mood is important whether or not you’re with a partner. Make it a special occasion – pretty lingerie, nice sheets, a glass of wine. Treating yourself right should be the most fundamental part of your sexual practise.
Focus using sound.
Silence can be helpful for meditation, but for women, who are especially sensitive to their surroundings, it can make self-pleasuring slightly more awkward. Put on music you find inspires sensual thoughts (I know I sound like a New Age lunatic, but bear with me).
Goldfrapp’s soothing vibe, pounding techno, jazz standards – whatever puts you in a slightly more slinky frame of mind. There’s no absolute standard of taste, though if you don’t live alone, try to keep your Sexy Music down.
There are brilliant sex toys for bathtime and warm water is soothing and lubricating, making it the perfect time to play with the shower massage or your favourite waterproof toy, and reach an earth-shattering orgasm on your own.
Use a toy or two.
Speaking of toys – if you’re just not getting there using your hands, integrate some other materials. You’re a grown-up now and no longer need to hump pillows, either. The range of vibrators on the market is truly staggering, ranging from a tiny lipstick-sized number to take to work to a G-spot version.
And then, of course, there’s the famous dual-stimulation Rabbit, if you know exactly what you want and don’t want any messing around. Experiment and invest.
Find your G-spot.
If you don’t know where it is, one: seriously? and two: do some research and locate it. (It’s easily found if you crook your finger inside yourself as if you’re beckoning something – a soft pad under your fingertip filled with nerve endings). Believe me, you’ll really, really benefit.
If you’re always doing the same thing, stop! Work out a combination that really works for you – fingers, toys, inside, outside, rhythm, lube – but always keep experimenting. You never know, you might find something truly spectacular just around the bend. And the good thing about being on your own – no judgement from anybody.
One word: beads.
Mardi Gras beads, that necklace you never use – they have a purpose you may not have thought of before. Rub them up and down – slowly, and with lube – and enjoy the ride. Maybe keep your Bvlgari in the safe for this one, though.
Don’t feel pressured.
If you honestly don’t have much of a sex drive outside of partnered sex, and you still have plenty of fun, don’t feel like masturbation is an obligation. It’s only to satisfy an urge, after all. You’re not a freak if you just don’t feel like it.
Lady Friday xx
Taking pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
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