The Etiquette Of One-Night Stands

We’ve all done it – and if we haven’t, we certainly know somebody who has.  

The one-night stand is no longer A Big Deal, no matter what your mother says – but how do you play it so that everybody’s safe and goes home happy? 

Read on for how to make the most of your brief encounter.

So you meet somebody spectacular and decide to have a single night of no-strings fun. Sounds good!

one-night-standimage via pinterest

1. Be safe

If possible, always invite back to yours rather than going to theirs.  That way you wake up in your own bed, and you’re in a familiar place if things get weird.

If that’s not possible, attempt – and I know you might be slightly unable to concentrate – to know where you’re being taken.

Always text an understanding friend the address, or notify them that a stranger is coming back to your apartment with you.  This may seem weird/open to judgement, but it’s better that somebody else knows.

And if you have roommates, it’s polite to either notify them as far in advance as possible, or at the very least try to keep it down!

2. Use protection

Real ladies keep condoms in their nightstand and on their person, because real ladies do not want STDs.

And yes, condoms and dental dams are necessary.  Just protecting against pregnancy via the Pill isn’t enough – if you’ve never met this person before, or haven’t got any concrete proof of their sexual health, protect first and ask questions later.  Even if they whine.

And if they refuse, boot them.

3. Don’t worry too much about what you look like

This is not a seduction situation.  You’re both quite clear on what you’re about to do (I hope – the ‘coffee’ line is very old hat, and it’s often far sexier to be direct).

If you must, refresh your make-up quickly with a handheld mirror, but in general, ignore the niceties, accept that you’re getting some regardless of whether your lipstick is on straight, and go ahead.

4.  If they change their mind, for god’s sake let them

Whinging that you’ve been ‘misled’ is a really dumb thing to do.  Peoples’ moods change – if s/he sobers up and realises that they don’t want to/can’t justify/have a partner at home, let them go or leave quietly.

Don’t offer them a drink in the hope of ‘changing their mind’ – just end the whole thing as quickly as possible, either by calling them a cab or by vanishing discreetly.  It might hurt, but it’s likely more the situation than a look at your face outside a club.

And if you decide to leave – noticing a picture of a wife on a nightstand, for instance – do the same.

5. Ignore scene-setting or romance

So you’ve decided to go ahead?  Great.  If you’re at your place, and get the urge to rearrange all the cushions and light some candles – forget it.

The best thing you should do is clear up your bedroom a bit so that nobody trips over, and to ask mid-clothes rip if they need an alarm in the morning.

Beyond that, consider this an opportunity to experiment.  This is not tender, loving, slow sex – explore domination, submission, whatever you like.

6. If you want them to leave post-sex, stand your ground

Some women simply do not like people they don’t know sleeping over.  If you’re one of those women, don’t let them bully you into staying over.

Flip the light on and dress them if necessary, but if they have to go, they have to go.  Same thing goes for the preferences of your one-night-stand if you’re at theirs – if they don’t want an all-nighter, be gracious and leave.

7. Be polite in the morning

It can be tempting to hide from one another like teenagers when the sun comes up.  This is stupid.  You’ve had fun – now behave.

Make breakfast, or offer to help with it.  Don’t disturb them if they’re rushing around like a maniac trying to get ready for work.  Pick up all your stuff, accept the offer of a shirt or a shower, thank them, be pleasant, and leave together.  Be nice to their housemates, too.

(Note: if you have one-night stands often, or even just like the idea, it’s a good idea to carry a few essentials in your purse – a spare pair of panties, some foldable ballet flats, make-up remover, and a brush.)

8. Discuss the aftermath like adults

This, for many people, is the tricky bit.  ‘I’ll call you!’ is not acceptable.  

If you think it was a one-time thing, thank them and tell them so.  If you’d quite like to do it again sometime under better circumstances, say that too.  Be bold.  You’ve revealed your most intimate bits to them – it’s a bit too late for shyness.

9. Don’t feel ashamed

If you’ve been sensible and taken care of yourself while having consensual sex with another human being, congratulations.  You’ve had a successful one-night stand.

If some aspects were sloppy or cringe-worthy, share them with your girlfriends – or don’t.  What you did is a little bit naughty, but by no means odd or immoral, and if anybody says it is, just tell ’em to shut it.

Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…


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