Unable to get yourself in the right mindset for the bedroom? Lady Friday’s here to help, armed with the latest up-to-date science.
We’ve all felt it. We know intimacy is on the cards – all the signs are right, tonight’s definitely the right time, maybe it’s even been planned – but we somehow can’t quite get ourselves into a sensual mindset.
It’s pretty normal, and here’s why: getting into the bedroom is a big deal, even in long-term relationships, and the pressure of feeling sexy can sometimes make it harder for us to feel it naturally.
Here are RESCU’s top tips for getting in the mood.
image via pinterest
Studies have uncovered that a shocking 89% of women declare their lives ‘too stressful’. That’s a very large percentage, particularly because there’s a distinct link between stress and low libido. Stress interferes with the natural production of hormones and adrenalin, leaving our bodies unbalanced and unable to respond quickly to intimacy.
It can be hard to break out of this cycle, but RESCU can help. Take some time out. If it’s a frenetic day and a date in the evening, take a long, hot shower, a bath, or just meditate. It’s easier to feel intimate and sensual when you’re not encumbered by all the worries of everyday life, so let them go.
Just enjoy being quiet, calm and unpressured. If this is proving difficult, do some basic breathing exercises. Breathe deeply in and out a few times and try to blank your mind. Once you’re feeling calmer, your body’s more open to fun.
The bedroom is all about pleasure. If you enter a pleasurable mindset by indulging yourself, various neurological segments of the brain become more active. This can help you achieve the right mood – and even contribute to your orgasm.
Pampering is a very individual process – what some women think is heaven-sent will turn others right off. So don’t slather yourself in expensive bath foam or treat yourself to some new beauty treatment if you’re not entirely sure it’ll work for you.
Now is the time to go back to old faithfuls – those activities that you know make you feel special, glamourous and glowing. It may be a mani-pedi, an hour with a decent book, a long swim, or something basic and private.
Use scent and tantalise your senses.
The effect of scent on the libido is one of mankind’s great myths, but it’s grounded in certain facts. Studies show that women respond positively to smells that remind them of intimacy – particularly the sweat of loved ones, or even strangers. Musk and ‘deep’ smells have been shown to be more effective in this department than florals.
More broadly, indulging all your senses one by one will open pathways in the brain which stimulate sensual activity. Inflaming them will get you paying attention to your body, and lead the way to arousal.
Touch each other; eat interesting foods; put on an intriguing scent behind both ears and on the decolletage; wear something that invites touch; listen to things which make you excited, even subliminally. And I don’t mean Marvin Gaye, though that might be your thing.
Anything with long, slow, seductive beats is good, while for some people highly frenetic dance in which they can ‘lose themselves’ is also a direct key to getting intimate. Take your time. Think of this as advanced foreplay.
Get some exercise.
I’ve said it before and will say it again – most often, healthy body means healthy libido, and not just because of feeling trim. Scientists recommend 20-30 minutes of exercise a day for optimum libido function.
This doesn’t mean pushing yourself onto the treadmill for hours the night of a big liason – that might leave you exhausted with aching muscles, rather than fresh and ready for anything – but a regular good diet and exercise regime will help you if you want to feel more sensual.
Do some gentle stretches or yoga if your body needs limbering up on the day, but a long-term program is useful for helping your body rediscover its intimate side.
Consider some erotic inspiration.
This trick isn’t for everybody, partially because it smacks of ‘shortcut’, but it’s a very pragmatic and also effective way of putting you in the mood if you’re really not feeling it. Collect some films, books and pictures with erotic content, and have them on standby for when you want to feel desirable and ready.
Our suggestions? The new book Fifty Shades Of Grey, a BDSM thriller, is proving the popularity of erotic fiction among women in particular – it’s a bestseller and is causing many booksellers to reinterpret how they market ‘racy’ fiction.
Poetry is the trick for some women, film the trick for others, but the sensible woman always has an arsenal of media which will immediately turn her red-hot. The erotic poems of Carol Ann Duffy are incredibly popular, as is the Everyman Library’s Erotic Poems collection.
Looking for racy images? Seek out Tumblr and Pinterest – it’s a great dirty little secret. Search for Tumblrs dedicated to celebrities you like, or go straight to Snatchly on Pinterest or Tumblrotica on Tumblr, both compilation blogs. Pussy Le Queer’s Tumblr is focussed on lady-loving women, but can also tantalise the straight.
As for film, there are so many contenders you’d have to check out a list – Entertainment Weekly’s 25 Sexiest Films Ever list is varied for all tastes. However, Secretary, 9 1/2 Weeks and Y Tu Mama Tambien are firm favourites, as is the banned Indian film Karma Sutra: A Tale Of Love by Mira Nair.