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Fantasies are a large part of women’s intimate arsenal – for the good reason that while men tend to be aroused by pictures, women are more involved with narratives or scenarios of arousal.
Now RESCU has the first study to describe the top five fantasies among Western women. And the results are extremely interesting.
The top five are:
1. Getting intimate with a stranger
2. Being worshipped in bed
3. Being ravaged in bed
4. Being watched by others
5. Having a threesome.
What do these five top scenarios reveal about female sexuality and fantasy – and how can they be used to pep up your own bedroom life?
You’ll notice that all the five fantasies share some common threads: being dominated, and being desired.
Admittedly the study was very small – under 200 people. However, they raised some intriguing points about what’s seen as actually arousing to women, and what you can use in your bedroom.
If we go through them one by one, it’s a good idea to pick out characteristics you’d like to try or have seen in yourself, and look at the fantasy as a way of achieving them.
Number one is fuelled by excitement, danger and the idea of the new – it’s perceived as ‘naughty’ and unfamiliar, with an overtone of exploration and intimacy without consequences.
Number two is all about the ego – feeling utterly adored and desirable, to the point where your goddess-like allure reduces your partner to their knees.
Number three is more complex. Being dominated in bed is sometimes seen as anti-feminist – but exploring inequalities in bed doesn’t mean the power plays extend outside of them. It can be a good way to explore different aspects of your personality, and allow yourself the freedom to make none of the decisions.
Number four is linked back to number two: the idea of being so desirable, so exciting, that other people besides your significant other get pleasure from your performance.
And number five is about pushing boundaries – being adored and aroused by two people at once, while going outside the normal.
The study also made an interesting distinction between male and female arousal. Male arousal is more ‘spontaneous’, while female is more ‘responsive’.
How does that work?
Spontaneous arousal is the sudden desire to jump into bed, apropos of nothing – it can strike while in the supermarket, walking down the street or at any point.
Responsive arousal, which is more common in women, is in response to intimate behaviour – for instance, a kiss or touch.That first behaviour makes women aroused in response. This raises an interesting question: is being aggressive and ‘spontaneous’ in bed, making the first move, actually against some kind of internal arousal instinct?
The good news is that, no, it isn’t. The study was too small to make any huge sweeping statements, and many people report a mix of spontaneous and responsive arousal in the initiation of intimacy – it could even be good for your bedroom habits to mix up being the demanded and the demanding.
So go forth and fantasise – just make sure you keep it safe and consenting.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…