Being unfaithful in the bedroom is a nasty business. Attempting to figure out why people cheat, however, has become a very lucrative one.
Studies from many different sources over the years – scientists, surveys on extramarital affair websites, relationship counsellors, research by vibrator manufacturers – have tried to pin down the ultimate reasons for cheating. It’s a fascinating subject, but ultimately it comes down to some very simple things.
So what are the top reasons for infidelity?
Selfishness by a current partner is a huge turn-off for both men and women. If the person they’re currently with doesn’t give as well as receiving in bed, only schedules sex when they want it and is generally self-absorbed about pleasure, guess what?
The partners are likely to get fed up and go elsewhere (if they don’t dump them entirely).
Boredom in long-term relationships is mentioned as a classic cause for infidelity, but it’s actually a bit more complicated than just feeling turned off.
Lack of experimentation and novelty in the bedroom is a major downfall in many long-term relationships, faithful or not. Those who seek action outside the relationship often justify it by saying that their current partner ‘doesn’t want’ to push boundaries or try new things, or that they ‘feel embarrassed’ to bring it up.
Changes in lifestyle seems very abstract, but think about it: how many Hollywood actors and actresses cheat because they’re on a new set every month with new pretty faces?
A massive upheaval in life, with new hours, routines and friends, can also bring up new temptations. Libido also shifts throughout life, and if they’re not matching up at home any more, infidelity is more likely.
Feelings of neglect or revenge are more common motivations than you’d expect. This kind of infidelity happens because the person feels slighted, unappreciated or hurt by their partner, and wants to regain control or return the favour.
Opportunity is also to blame. There are some radical statistics in the scientific world about the amount of people who believe they would cheat at an instant’s notice if there was no chance of any repercussion.
So what can’t really be blamed for infidelity? Alcohol gets a bad rap, but it’s often just a helping hand for what was lying under the surface anyway.
Seduction by another person is also a bad reason for infidelity. It takes two to tango, after all, and unless it was actively non-consensual both parties have to take the rap…
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…