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Today RESCU busts adult film myths. Ready? Let’s go.
Myth 1: Women like being covered in semen.
This is a pretty classic example of the major deviation between porn-behaviour and actual sex-behaviour.
Any person who’s seen an adult film or two will notice that the actresses are universally exposed in some way to semen at the end of sex – often in degrading or non-intuitive ways.
Coming on the face, the stomach, the back – it’s all there.
However, as a woman, it’s OK for you not to like this, and it’s OK for you to point out to a male partner that you don’t want it to happen to you.
The visual act of ‘coming’ in adult films is for entertainment purposes – it’s the grand finale, the big finish, and it’s also a way of making the film look ‘safe’ if they don’t use condoms (which they generally don’t).
It is NOT behaviour which is universal, and you aren’t abnormal if you’d rather not, thank you.
Myth 2: Partners prefer women who are waxed to within an inch of their lives.
Again, this is an adult-film concept which is largely driven by visuals, not by desire.
The simple reason? If there’s no hair in the way, it doesn’t obstruct the shot. It’s to make everything clearer, pure and simple.
However, it’s led to an entire industry of hair-cleaning products, and the belief that women aren’t ‘desirable’ if they aren’t completely hair-free.
Generally speaking, though, this is a myth that’s pretty easily busted. Everybody has their own personal preferences, but by and large, as long as you’re hygienic and keep everything maintained in such a way that it doesn’t interfere with sex, you’re fine.
People will still want to sleep with you even if you aren’t bald as an egg between your legs.
Myth 3: Adult films turn everybody on.
Wouldn’t we love this to be true? Alas, it’s not.
If you don’t like pornography for the reason that it does nothing for you, that might be because you’re looking at the wrong films – and that’s not your fault.
Adult films are generally not designed to make women all hot and bothered. Most are made for men – and we’re not turned on by the same things.
It’s a big talking point in the adult industry – how to appeal to the female viewer – and nobody’s yet cracked it, beyond aiming at ‘lesbian’ fantasies.
Often women respond more to textures or tactile stimuli (or words) rather than images, so perhaps you should replace your adult-film diet with some healthy erotic literature. There, at least, there’s a lot of stuff for women – even if it does involve quite a disproportionate amount of bodices.
Myth 4: Sex is best when it’s rhythmic, fast-paced and in contorted positions.
Let’s not dismiss this version entirely – but sex in adult films isn’t really for the enjoyment of the actors. It’s for the ultimate visual thrill, and that means volume, voyeuristic thrills and quick wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am satisfaction.
This is not what sex has to be – and if you’ve been aiming for pornography-style sex, you might be missing a lot of key points.
Foreplay in adult films is often centred purely on the genitals, which is fine but not everybody’s cup of tea. It’s also often over in about two minutes.
And then there’s the sex – once described by an incredulous pornography critic as ‘like a piston going into a cavern and out again’. It’s mechanical and devoid of emotion or sensual intervals – because that’s not what pornography is for.
Remember that, above all, adult films aren’t meant to be educational. They’re for entertainment. Real sex is sticky, slow and for nobody’s benefit but your own, and you’re under no obligation to do acrobatics or be pounded hammer-and-tong to be satisfied.
If your partner doesn’t understand that, you may need to show this article to them.
Myth 5: Sex always succeeds, and everybody always orgasms.
Ah, to live in adult-film land! But we don’t – and you can’t let that affect your expectations.
Things will go wrong. People will put their elbows and legs in the wrong spot. There will be funny smells/sounds/tastes. A position may not give either of you pleasure. It may be over too quickly, or take too long.
These are perfectly normal, and nobody’s expecting you to be a perfect pneumatically-inflated blonde who comes every single time. Sexuality is about exploration, and pornography is exceedingly one-dimensional.
So don’t beat yourself up if it’s not always ‘perfect’. If you can enjoy the messiness, you’re a real sexual being.
Myth 6: Dudes don’t enjoy wearing condoms, and women don’t ask.
This is a very silly idea, and you should have absolutely no truck with it.
Everybody on adult film sets is tested continually (and even then diseases happen to slip through). If you haven’t been tested, or you aren’t using any other protection, a condom is completely acceptable and it’s perfectly OK to ask.
The fact that some women still find this difficult, and that some men still complain about the ‘loss of sensation’, is frankly silly. There are enough thin-skin, maximum-sensation condoms for everybody to be satisfied, and for neither of you to get STDs or unwanted pregnancies.
Talk about protection. Talk about testing and past partners and what to do if a condom breaks/you accidentally skip a Pill. Adult films involve a lot, but talking is not one of their strong points – and communication is what makes good sex great.
And any man who refuses to wear a condom clearly prioritises his own pleasure over your health and safety, so kick him out and tell him not to be so medieval.
Lady Friday xx
Taking pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…