I don’t know where to start.
To the internet! The basics are the following: there are several different types of vibes, including G-spot vibrators, finger vibes, clitoral vibrators and ones that resemble a fully erect member (you may remember them as The Rabbit from the 90s).
The first step towards buying a vibe is figuring out what turns you on. Many a bad vibe purchase has led to disappointment because they targeted the wrong part of their anatomy.
Once you’ve figured that out, choose an online store and check its shipping policies, what shows up on your credit card statement and anything else you’d care to name – all reputable toy websites have these avenues covered, and many have tutorials or FAQs to help you with the most popular toys.
Many also have beginner’s kits. This is also the answer to another common objection, ‘Buying one is really embarrassing’. Find a store that will arrange it in a way that suits your privacy – I can assure you, they do it all the time.
Toys are only for people who can’t get dates.
This is one massive misconception about toys and vibrators specifically, and needs to be put to rest. Vibrators are not a replacement for a healthy, active intimate life, an admission of defeat or a vow of eternal singledom.
In many cases, they’re actually a dynamic part of flourishing and healthy sexual relationships. The first and most important part of any sexual lifestyle is knowing yourself and your own bodily needs – and other people aren’t always around to help you figure that out. Taking responsibility for your own pleasure is your choice, and it helps everybody in the long run.
Toys are only for promiscuous people.
Nope. The association of vibes with slutty behaviour or being ‘oversexed’ isn’t really very fair.
There’s a distinction here between liking sex/wanting to know your body/wanting to have a good time, and unhealthy types of sexual behaviour. Liking vibes falls firmly into the first camp.
I’m in a relationship, and it’s my partner’s job to satisfy me, not an object’s.
This happens quite a lot. A vibe’s well and good when there’s nobody on the horizon, but once somebody turns up, it’s their responsibility now, and the vibe gets put to rest. Right?
Wrong. For one thing, relationships ebb and flow, and being frustrated when your partner isn’t on the exact same libido level as you isn’t a healthy expectation for a relationship. Massive disparities can’t be helped by vibes, but a little helping hand when only one of you is in the mood helps you to take back control over your own satisfaction.
Plus vibes are often a fun ingredient for couples’ play – getting one onto sensitive areas spices things up very fast.
It’s just not like getting intimate with a person.
Fair enough. However, there are different types of satisfaction. If you think you could be the type of person to be satisfied with stimulation and fantasy rather than ‘the real thing’, it’s worth a try – just because it’s not involving another person doesn’t mean it won’t be just as fun.
Plus there are advantages to vibes you never get with people. No small talk, no awkward conversation in the morning, no weirdness for calling out the wrong name in bed – and a chance to fantasise about whatever you like.
I’ve heard horror stories about things going wrong or becoming embarrassing.
These are popular in magazines, and let’s put it this way: if you’re sensible and keep them a) clean and b) locked in a place where unwanted people can’t find them, you’re unlikely to have total disasters.
If you’re just worried about wasting money, don’t go all out. Lelo products and other higher-priced things are favourites of this site because they have reputations for very high quality, but beginners should be rightly wary of an investment if they’re not sure what they want yet.
Don’t go with novelty items, but pick smaller things first, like finger or clit vibes.
I don’t think they’re right for me.
That is perfectly OK. Vibrators aren’t right for everybody. Some people don’t enjoy them and can’t get any satisfaction from the experience, and they’re still perfectly happy and orgasming all over the place. Toy evangelists can get very annoying.
Don’t let anybody pressure you into making a decision – but I hope clearing up these misconceptions helps along the way.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday..
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