Premature ejaculation is a male problem affecting up to 26% of the population, depending on age, physical fitness and sexual history. (Yes, this is pretty much exclusively a male difficulty. Sorry, ladies-who-love-ladies).
image via pinterest
Chances are, if you’re a modern woman, you’ve slept with a man who’s come slightly too early for your (or his) taste. Question is: what do you do about it?
Here’s a list of RESCU’s Top Tips for handling premature partners.
1. Don’t be a bitch about it. This includes laughing, sulking, being passive-aggressive, complaining or making fun of him. It is not his fault, and having an attitude which makes him ashamed will only make things worse.
2. Know what you’re dealing with. Premature ejaculation is not ‘coming a little bit too soon before you do’ or something ridiculous. Clinically, it’s defined as coming within two minutes, in half of all the intercourse he has in six months. If you’ve only slept with him two times and he’s been premature once, it’s less ‘a problem’ than ‘an isolated occurrence’.
Note that ejaculation and orgasm are not necessarily the same thing. Odd, I know, but true. Just because he’s ejaculated doesn’t mean he’s fully pleasured.
3. Allow a certain amount of leeway. Many things can cause premature ejaculation in isolation, depending on the man. Anxiety, alcohol, exhaustion, going a long time without sex, sensitivity, venereal disease (even after he’s recovered) and mental health issues such as depression all impact on sexual performance. If he says ‘this doesn’t happen all that often’, believe him.
4. Request a condom. Aside from being a profoundly good idea, condoms reduce sensation and thus usually extend sexual contact. It’s also less of a downgrade on sexual drive than the other suggested method, which is for dudes to masturbate a few hours before sex.
5. Stop before the point of no return. Develop communication with your partner. When he feels as if he’s about to come, stop – and relax. Breathe in and out with him. Massage one another. Do sensual, but not sexual, things. (Squeezing the base of the penis also helps calm the physical urge to come.) Then start again.
6. Experiment. Breathing exercises? Kegels? Desensitising creams? If you’ve made a long-term commitment to this person, work through possible cures together. Take note of when and how long sex lasted (in your head – sex diaries are a bit awkward if discovered by visiting relatives), and if you can see a cause, point it out to one another. Come from a place of caring, not a place of disapproval or anger. It’s just premature ejaculation, not the apocalypse.
7. Seek help. Your partner’s worth is not determined by their sexual performance. If he’s unhappy it’s a good idea to see a GP, and possibly a counsellor if the issues are depression-based. If the sex is a problem, obviously couples therapy is a good plan. Treat it like you would any difficulty – it’ll be fine in the end.
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…