Do you lack the courage to say ‘no’? Afraid to stand up for yourself? Dr. John Demartini explains why this phenomenon is not uncommon amongst many people, and not just those living with anxiety. Feeling trapped, overwhelmed and performing lower priority tasks back us into a corner and can often result in giving up or giving in.
Dr. Demartini says “saying ‘no’ when you actually mean ‘no’ will not only boost your confidence, it sends a message to those around you that your time and energy is just as valuable as theirs and is to be respected.” Saying no to those close to your heart, particularly children and parents, can be difficult to master at first, but the guilt will pass once you realise their love and respect is unchanging. From a business perspective, this can also make or break a career. Knowing the time and place, and how to approach saying no, is an instant confidence booster in any workplace and will earn you the respect of your peers and colleagues.
What are the main reasons why some people find it hard to say the ‘no’ word?
– They do not want to feel guilty
– They are fearful of what the other person will think or feel
– They have been conditioned to think saying no is cynical or negative
– They worry they will miss out on future opportunities
– They have expectations of themselves and how others perceive them
Three Ways to Master the Art of Saying ‘No’
Buy Yourself Some Time – Rather than simply blurt out ‘yes’ request time to think about it, may be even sleep on it overnight. This will indicate upfront that you may not be able to make that commitment. Have a reason for saying yes and hold yourself accountable.
Be Honest with Yourself – Take the time to ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how much do I really want to do this? If you find it is less than five then consider saying ‘no’. It may feel uncomfortable, but it will save you the feeling of deep resentment later when you find yourself doing something you don’t want to do. Having integrity and owning up to what you can and can’t do will earn you more respect than merely agreeing.
Realise It Is Okay to Say ‘No’ – It is important to value yourself, your own needs and desires. Saying ‘no’ may cause anger to others initially, but it soon turns to respect. Even though you’re saying ‘no’ doesn’t mean you don’t care about them, in fact it reinforces the opposite.