By Dr Dain Heer
It’s no secret than men and women are different. One inherent difference that can cause relationship angst is when a woman wants to “talk” about what’s on a man’s mind.
Image via Marieclaire.co.uk
You see, most women desire to talk a lot more than men. Especially if they have stress or a problem going on in their life. They like to discuss in depth and express what is going on for them, and this allows them to get more clarity and ease with the things that they are dealing with.
Men are often very different.
When a man has something going on in his life, a problem or something on his mind, he requires space. He requires time alone in his cave.
Men tend to withdraw or become preoccupied. They often need to shut out everybody else in order to figure things out. In fact, until the problem is figured out in their head, they don’t often feel like they can let anybody else in to talk about it.
This is when women tend to take it personally, or take it as a sign that their partner doesn’t care about them. Let me assure you, this is not what is going on.
When you see a man retreat, please don’t mistake this to mean that your partner doesn’t care about you, or that there is a problem in the relationship, or that you somehow are a part of the problem.
What if you aren’t wrong? What if your partner isn’t wrong and you are just seeing your difference at play here? What if giving your man space could be a good thing?
Here are 3 Tips to Giving Your Man Space
TIP 1. Don’t take it personally. Please know, it isn’t about you! Even if you think it’s about you. Even if your partner snaps at you, it’s not about you. Please don’t judge you. And don’t judge your partner.
It can be difficult for a man to be close and loving with those he cares about when he has something going on that he has not yet figured out how to handle. Historically, men have been expected to be the problems solvers in life, so they believe that is what their job is and can take it very seriously.
Please realise that from his point of view, he is trying to do his job, and you aren’t doing anything wrong.
TIP 2. Give him the space he needs for as long as he needs it. If you are willing to allow a man the space he needs at times of stress, he will come back to you and when does, he will be more loving with you than ever. When a man needs to withdraw, it does not mean your relationship is getting worse! If you give a man space to work out his issues and not require him to talk to you about it, especially if talking things out is not comfortable for him to do, the relationship will ultimately get better and he will know that you love him more than any woman he has ever met.
TIP 3. Get what you need from those who are able and willing to provide it. Women are taught that the best thing to do is talk about everything, which is why they love to get together with friends and family and have long, intense conversations. Women feel better when they can off-load it all! If you need to talk and your man is not talkative – take the burden off him (remember, he thinks if you come to him with a problem, he has to solve it!) and off of you by having some really good girlfriends, or close people that you can talk with and get support the way that works for you.
We all have differences, and we all benefit from having multiple sources of support and nurturance in our lives. Not expecting yourself to fulfil all of your partner’s needs, not expecting your partner to fulfil all of yours and not making either one of you wrong for your differences frees up both of you to just be yourselves and enjoy each other! When stress or problems come up in your relationship, what if it didn’t have to mean that your relationship was getting worse? What if it just was an indication that things were changing? And, what if that change, if you allow the space for it, could lead to a greater relationship than you could ever imagine?
About Dr Dain Heer
Dain Heer is an internationally renowned author, speaker and facilitator of consciousness and change. His latest book is ‘Being You, Changing the World – Is Now the Time?’. For over 14 years Dain has been inviting people to embrace their true greatness. Dr Dain Heer will be in Australia for a series of workshops. A Taste of Being will be streamed live from Noosa on the 27th of November from 7pm.
More information at www.drdainheer.com.