Wait Till The Right Moment
General rule: it’s not a good idea to start sexting unless you’ve seen each other naked.
Let’s not be prudes here. The titillation of the chase is part of the point of sexting – anticipation powers desire. So you don’t have to have gone all the way to start the fun, although things can get a bit more particular once you have.
Whatever the case, however, there must already have been a sexual frisson – on both sides – before you start sexting.
Otherwise you might push beyond their comfort limits and produce awkwardness.
Start slowly – ‘Been thinking about you’ – and hopefully they’ll answer with curiosity. Don’t let that go to waste.
Set The Tone
Sexting can be a realm of fantasy. After all, you’re not going to be overheard. If you’re comfortable, take on a completely new persona – someone who wears interesting lingerie and thinks sexy thoughts at unexpected moments.
Make sure they aren’t in a situation where they can’t really indulge – at the hospital, visiting their mother, in a stressful meeting.
Start slow. ‘Really want you right now.’ ‘Can’t wait till I get you alone.’ It sounds cheesy, but this is a private conversation.
It can be instigated by a situation – say you just bought something kinky and you couldn’t help thinking of them.
Use The Right Language
I know people who would rather receive a crocodile in the mail than get a text involving ‘U R SO SXXXY.’ We aren’t teenagers. Use proper sentences, including grammar – though it’s acceptable to be slightly rushed and leave an ellipsis…
Don’t go into poetry – texting isn’t designed to be for budding Byrons. Be short and to the point, but tease him/her with questions – ‘Do you know that drives me wild?’
Foreign languages are fine if both of you speak them, but if only one of you does, you risk looking like a pretentious ass.
The trick is to create a banter, a flirtation which is more raunchy than simple ‘wish you were here’ conversation. And describing vividly what you’d like to do when you next see them is the ultimate aim.
Also – now is not the time to be self-deprecating. Be confident. Forceful. Say what you want and when you want it.
Things To Say And Not To Say
‘Mmmm.’ (Answers which replicate the noises you make in the bedroom are very sensual, though don’t try to type orgasm-yodels.)
‘And then I’ll do XX to you, just gently…’ (Using lots of description and adjectives is often very evocative. Don’t skip straight to the end event – if you’re visualising sex with them, visualise it all, from the beginning. It makes for better sexting.)
‘How come we never do XX any more? I really liked when we did that.’ (Don’t sext and criticise. Not the right venue.)
‘Are you too tired for this? I knew it. Sorry. Sorry sorry sorry.’ (Apologise briefly if you’ve picked the right moment, don’t self-flagellate.)
‘I want to _____ in your ______ with a _______.’ (If this is the first text of the series, they might look at it and go WHOAH SLOW DOWN.)
To Snap Or Not To Snap?
When deciding whether to send a picture of your more private areas, keep a few things in mind.
For one, keep the gender of your recipient in mind. Men are far more stimulated by images than women, who prefer words – an odd trick of brain chemistry. So if your texting partner is female, you might be wasting your time unless they’ve indicated otherwise.
For another, keep your face obscured. Always. Without question. That, and the hiding of any identifying tattoos or bodily marks, will put your heart at ease if the whole thing goes pear-shaped. After all, it could be anybody’s boobs/elsewhere.
And if you get even a hint that your beau is the type to show the photographs to his or her mates, refrain – unless that’s what you’re into. Discuss this stuff first if possible.
If They’re Not Into It
It happens. Some partners just don’t like having sexy messages on their phones.
If you detect a lack of interest or awkwardness, don’t get embarrassed, bullying or passive-aggressive. Just wrap up happily and with understanding.
Then, the next time you see them, try to talk about it. Maybe it was a situational thing where they weren’t feeling all that sexy. Maybe they prefer emails, letters, or phone calls. Maybe it’s all about the face-to-face, or maybe they just don’t text all that fast. People have many reasons not to like sexting.
Communicate about it and you’ll be able to find a way to express your sexuality in a way that makes you both comfortable.
(If their reason turns out to be ‘my wife/husband might see it’, needless to say, dump them immediately.)
Lady Friday xx
Taking the pillow talk out of the bedroom, every Friday…
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