What to do when love at an exotic locale stops being romantic and starts being fiscally irresponsible.
By Kathryn Eisman
“I’m destination wedding broke”, declared a girlfriend as she searched through her wallet to pay for a coffee only to stumble across a few lonely foreign coins. Having hosted a destination wedding of my own, I knew all too well just how financially taxing three romantic days of fun, food, flowers and booze can be for the betrothed. She had a point. The only problem was, my friend was not married. In fact she was often the only single girl on the dance floor getting down in a mini (despite the ‘black tie’ dress code) mouthing “Do you want to funk with me” as an invitation.
I swallowed my latte and delicately pointed out that she was not in fact married. She revealed that it was travelling to all of her friends lavish destination weddings that was sending her broke. In the past three months she’s been to a tropical wedding in Anguilla, Bollywood themed nuptials in Udaipur, India and a schnapps fueled engagement party in Aspen. She had converted currency more regularly this year than most Forex traders. And like most of them, had been left with just a few battered rupees in her world-weary wallet.
It wasn’t always like this. Once upon a time, little girls dreamed of getting married in the biggest, most beautiful hotel ballroom in their hometown. They grew up knowing which florist they’d call on to make their fluffy white bouquets, which local band they’d secure two years in advance (of being proposed to) so they could sing on their big day. And they had decided to splurge on a couple of vintage white Rolls Royce’s that, just like the guests, would drive a few easy miles from home to ceremony and ceremony to reception.
Today brides view weddings akin to an episode of The Amazing Race. Unless a plane, boat, gondola or tuk tuk is involved, they’re afraid it just won’t rate.
The glam ballroom has been replaced with an exotic outdoor setting that needs to be created from the ground up to look like- a glam ballroom, which means bringing in infrastructure (do you have any idea how expensive hiring a Port-A-Loo is in the middle of a desert!?). The local florist has been replaced with countless Skype calls to a non-English speaking florist who explains that your beloved Peonies will have to be flown in from New Zealand (at a price tag that means they must be going first class). And those elegant white Rolls Royces have been replaced with two connecting flights, transfers and severe jet lag.
Yes, destination weddings are a fabulous excuse to see the world (that is, if you’re left more than a few hours on a Sunday afternoon to do so). The problem is, they’re also a fabulous way of going broke. Fast.
Between the flights, ground transportation, hotels, non-wedding meals, event appropriate attire and a wedding gift – you’re really hoping their marriage makes it so it’s not a wasted investment.
The horrible thing about destination weddings is unfortunately they’re usually really fun. And who wants to be haunted by months of Facebook posts showing all your friends drunk, sunburnt, decked out in eveningwear while you were at home being fiscally responsible patting your cats.
Even worse than the “I’m missing out” feeling, is the hurt feelings you’re likely to incite and the real fear that your friend will never forgive you for not being there on their special day.
The situation becomes even more complex when you’re invited to multiple weddings and have to decide who’s worth going broke for and who simply isn’t.
So what do you do when that invite arrives but the cash to fund the trip hasn’t?
Step 1. Be realistic about how much the trip will really cost you. It’s rarely just flights. As scary as it may be, know what you’re getting into before you commit either way.
Step 2. Ask yourself, “How would I feel if this person didn’t show up to my wedding?” If the answer is mildly disappointed, then you can probably sit this one out. If the answer is devastated, then you might need to get creative with your cash.
Step 3. If you really want to be there, commit immediately. Procrastinating will only mean more expensive flights and accommodation as the event gets closer.
Step 4. Be sure to enquire about wedding group discounts on all travel before booking and ask for less expensive hotels within close proximity to the wedding that are more in line with your budget (but remember that a budget hotel that’s a 20 minute cab ride away from the action isn’t good economics and will make you miserable).
Step 5. If you’re single, find a friend you can split accommodation costs with. Then book your flights as soon as you can.
Step 6. Start saving now. Weddings (like marriage) are about opportunity cost. So find ways to save between now and the wedding (sorry, no Isabel Marant booties). Better yet, look for ways to increase your income. It might be an excellent time to start selling those adorable knitted scarfs you make on Etsy. In bulk.
Step 7. If you decide you can’t dance at this wedding, be honest and tell your friend. Not RSVPing won’t make you look any better. Explain that you would love to be there but simply can’t afford to be. Better to lose a little pride than lose a friendship because they think you don’t care. Buy them a thoughtful gift and write a sentimental card or letter expressing your congratulations, love and regrets for not being there. Most people worth being friends with will understand.
Step 8. If you decide to go, have a blast. If you’re there, be there 100%!
By Kathryn Eisman.
www.kathryneisman.com/blog
Follow Kathryn: @kathryneisman
You might also like:
Choose Your Ultimate Wedding Fragrance