RESCU
  • Ageless Magazine
  • Style
    • All
    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    Juicy Colours To Add To Your Wardrobe Now

    Choose the Right Red Lipstick for Your Skin Tone

    Back-to-Basics Tips For Thicker, Fuller Hair

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    Tips To Rehydrate Your Hair This Autumn

    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Substance
    • All
    • Food & Drink
    • Relationships
    • Resources
    • Reviews
    • Science & Innovation
    • Sustainability
    • Wellbeing

    Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits

    How to Detox after the Easter Sugar Binge

    6 Must Try Easter Sugar-Free Treats

    Luke Mangan’s Perfect Dish for Easter Lunch

    Why You Should Be Doing Resistance Band Exercises

    • Wellbeing
    • Science & Innovation
    • Relationships
    • Food & Drink
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
    • Reviews
  • Success
    • All
    • Career & Tech
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Money
    • Property
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    How To Thrive When Your Boss Is Narcissistic

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    The Most Effective Guide To Asking For A Raise

    Enter 2022 With Positivity With This New Years Cleansing Ritual

    Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone After Lockdown

    • Money
    • Property
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Career & Tech
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Rescu.Me Academy
  • Ageless Podcast
  • My Courses
No Result
View All Result
  • Ageless Magazine
  • Style
    • All
    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    Juicy Colours To Add To Your Wardrobe Now

    Choose the Right Red Lipstick for Your Skin Tone

    Back-to-Basics Tips For Thicker, Fuller Hair

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    Tips To Rehydrate Your Hair This Autumn

    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Substance
    • All
    • Food & Drink
    • Relationships
    • Resources
    • Reviews
    • Science & Innovation
    • Sustainability
    • Wellbeing

    Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits

    How to Detox after the Easter Sugar Binge

    6 Must Try Easter Sugar-Free Treats

    Luke Mangan’s Perfect Dish for Easter Lunch

    Why You Should Be Doing Resistance Band Exercises

    • Wellbeing
    • Science & Innovation
    • Relationships
    • Food & Drink
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
    • Reviews
  • Success
    • All
    • Career & Tech
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Money
    • Property
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    How To Thrive When Your Boss Is Narcissistic

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    The Most Effective Guide To Asking For A Raise

    Enter 2022 With Positivity With This New Years Cleansing Ritual

    Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone After Lockdown

    • Money
    • Property
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Career & Tech
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Rescu.Me Academy
  • Ageless Podcast
  • My Courses
No Result
View All Result
RESCU
No Result
View All Result
Home Rescu Academy Meet the Experts Annie Gurton

Annie Gurton

Relationship Therapist

How To Deal With Emotional Baggage In A New Relationship

Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on Pinterest

It’s near impossible to be in a relationship without being affected by baggage from previous experiences. Everyone brings something into the relational space, either from past relationships with family and friends or with past partners. And, every time something happened in the past, we take on some form of wounding.  

Sometimes it’s small and easy to be aware of and deal with, but often it’s deep and well covered, to ourselves as well as to others. The result is some challenging behaviours – you may find yourself behaving in ways that you don’t understand, and your new partner may be difficult or create difficulties which create doubts in your mind.

Photo by Monstera from Pexels

It’s essential that you hang on in there. New relationships are important to help you heal the wounds of the past, and you are exactly the person to help your partner heal their own wounds.  

How to overcome emotional baggage? Your partnership needs to evolve in what I term as ‘Conscious Relationship’. This is a relationship where you are both aware of the underlying wounds in yourself and your partner, so that you behave towards each other with compassion and empathy rather than reacting and over-reacting in situations which require delicacy and tact.

There are three main areas where emotional baggage may originate:

1. Major Problems with the Family of Origin

Many people carry dysfunction stemming from the family he or she was born into, almost always their parents, but sometimes he or she will have a sibling that brings major stress or emotional tumult into their lives.

How to spot it: There is extreme anger toward one or both parents;  fairly frequent blowouts with family members at family dinners, reunions or other events; has a parent or sibling who is an active addict whom the family is always worried about; or there was emotional, physical or verbal abuse by one or both parents.

2. Depression or Anxiety

Both women and men can carry the baggage of depression, anxiety or other emotional health issues into a relationship.

How to spot it: moodiness, they don’t feel like being social with others, they have a low self-esteem and are overly critical of themselves, they’ve lost interest in activities that used to make them happy, they complain a lot and have a pessimistic view of the future, they get irritated easily and excel at starting arguments, they may cry for no particular reason, they are inexplicably fearful of events or situations and they can be volatile and unpredictable.

3. The Ex Factor

When you first start dating someone, ask yourself the following questions: Is this person still in contact with his or ex? Has the person you’re dating fully closed the romantic/need-for-attention door with the ex, or has that door been left slightly ajar? If you breathe even the slightest whiff of unfinished business with your partner’s ex, you will make your life easier by heading toward the nearest exit sign. I tell my clients to give themselves a good six months or longer before even considering starting a new relationship. The reality is that if the last relationship ended in a nasty or messy way, a person needs a year or longer to heal before being able to start a healthy relationship – which means not carrying baggage into the next one. Learning to be a single for a while helps strengthen you in your next relationship.

How to spot it: In the first month or two of dating, there is mention of the ex at least once a week, they keep pictures around or other mementos of the ex, you hear mention of the ex’s name when talking to friends, they try to get together with the ex for coffee or a meal soon soon after the breakup, or they compare you in any way to her ex.

Overcoming baggage

The solution is by creating boundaries and having discussions about these issues at certain times when you know you can be calm and it will be safe – that may be in a couples counsellors room. Take the time to really hear what your partner is saying, and mirror back what you hear so that your partner knows they’ve been heard, and understood.

None of this baggage should be a deal-breaker for your relationship.  They are all issues that you should be able to discuss, so you can both understand the underlying wounds and whats going on.  You can learn about what’s driving your partner, what they want and need from the relationship and how you can go about giving it to them.  You can avoid being triggered by small irritations, and learn to move into a conscious relationship.

After all, its not about making your partner the person you think you want them to be,  it’s about being the best version of yourself for them.

For more information and to get in touch with Annie, head to www.anniegurton.com. See how you can Reignite Your Relationship with Annie’s new RescuMe Academy course at rescumeacademy.com.au.

Related Posts

Relationships

Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits

Food & Drink

How to Detox after the Easter Sugar Binge

Front Featured

Why You Should Be Doing Resistance Band Exercises

Relationships

Dry Dating: Why It’s Trending and What it Means for Your First Date

Food & Drink

Fire Up Your Brain With These Foods

Relationships

What Happens To Your Brain In The Bedroom

Substance

Running Makeover: Train For Your First Marathon

Substance

5 Simple (and Cheap) Ways to Find Calm

Beauty

5 Ways To Reset Your Sleep Cycle

Load More

Latest Posts

Juicy Colours To Add To Your Wardrobe Now

Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits

How To Thrive When Your Boss Is Narcissistic

How to Detox after the Easter Sugar Binge

6 Must Try Easter Sugar-Free Treats

Luke Mangan’s Perfect Dish for Easter Lunch

School Holiday Survival Guide For Single Parents

Why You Should Be Doing Resistance Band Exercises

Dry Dating: Why It’s Trending and What it Means for Your First Date

Choose the Right Red Lipstick for Your Skin Tone

Get fashion, beauty, finance, health and love advice from our experts.

Rescu.com.au is an online destination across multiple platforms for the modern woman who is ready to be her own success story. Expert advice, articles and resources to glow up or completely transform your Style, Substance and Success.
Through our deep dive content, clever how to’s, product review, resources including calculators and downloadable assets, and of course our expert panellists, we inform and support our reader to dial up the fabulous in every aspect of her life.

STYLE

SUBSTANCE

SUCCESS

LOCKDOWN LOVE

SOCIETY

RESCU. ME ACADEMY

ABOUT US

Follow us

  • About Us
  • Advertise With Us
  • Privacy & Terms

© 2021 Rescu. All Rights Reserved

  • Ageless Magazine
  • Style
    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Substance
    • Wellbeing
    • Science & Innovation
    • Relationships
    • Food & Drink
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
    • Reviews
  • Success
    • Money
    • Property
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Career & Tech
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Rescu.Me Academy
  • Ageless Podcast
  • My Courses

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In

Add New Playlist