How Gratitude Can Heal A Broken Heart

Anyone who has been through a breakup knows that a so-called broken heart can feel like the end of the world, especially if you didn’t expect it.  The prospect of moving on, re-opening your heart or experiencing a deep and meaningful fulfillment once again can feel impossible.

By Dr. John Demartini, Human Behaviour Specialist

Most individuals experience moments where they feel what appears to be an overwhelming crisis that can dominate and rule their life.  To some, these crises leave lasting subconsciously stored “scars” or “wounds”, unless they are quickly recognised as truly being blessings.  When a so-called broken heart, or broken infatuation or fantasy becomes your greatest blessing, you heal.  Nature never delivers a crisis without opportunity or misfortune without blessing. Like with a magnet there are two poles. There is no loss without a gain. But you can become conscious of only one and overlook or be unconscious of the other.

Some individuals experience a heartache that drags on for years and which ends up making them overly cautious in their future relationships. Others seem to nip their apparent pain in the bud almost immediately. But, it’s not their outer circumstances that necessarily create their emotional crisis.  While they may elicit the crises, in truth it is an individual’s reaction that actually turns their relationship events or circumstances into crises.

The length of time it takes for the individual to recognise their so-called broken heart or broken fantasy is actually a blessing, correlates with their degree of wisdom.  Pure wisdom is the instantaneous knowing that each crisis in life is indeed a blessing.  Some misfortunes don’t reveal their blessing easily, while others are recognised immediately.  Hidden within all misfortunes are the seeds of an equal but opposite fortune. 

The power of gratitude

One very powerful and proven method of healing heartbreak is gratitude.  Gratitude is the ultimate healing salve that opens the gateway of the human heart where love resides.  When we have gratitude, love is released, and a field of heart intelligence brings order, organisation and coherency to the mind and body.  Quite simply when we are grateful, we heal. Gratitude is a perfectly balanced perception – crisis equals blessing.

Those who can count their blessings, become rebalanced and are grateful, experience more blessings and fulfillment in life than those who do not.  They can often bounce back from their imbalanced perceptions of disappointment, loss or pain more quickly too.  This is a simple principle, yet it has the power to change your life and the life of those you come in contact with.

The four pillars of healing

There are four pillars or principles that contribute to healing in general and they are love, gratitude, certainty and presence.

Love – There is no greater healer on this planet than the feeling of love.  Love is the result of a heart that is open and not imbalanced and distorted by the emotions and pain created by lopsided perceptions.  Everything we experience in our life serves the purpose of teaching love.  Some lessons are challenging to grasp like confusing a dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin filled fantasy or infatuation, sometimes called falling in love, with true, balanced, sustainable, heart-opening love.  Whatever the experience we face, the essence is that true and balanced love heals all.

Gratitude – This powerful mindset is simply about having the ability to efficiently balance your perceptions and awaken to a greater appreciation for the hidden order within life – even within the so-called the ups, downs and everything in between.  If we’re not appreciative we won’t grow – appreciation is an absolutely essential component of growth and development.  When you are grateful for life you open up the gateway of the heart and allow the love that is always waiting there to eternally express itself.  It’s also been shown scientifically that love and appreciation organize and bring order to cell structures on a molecular level.

Certainty – When we experience a moment of love for somebody we don’t waver with, ‘I’m not sure if I love them, I think I do, maybe I don’t,’ we know that we know.  Our heart is open, and we feel and know that we love them. When you have that certainty, your physiology aligns itself as an orchestra and the conductor, which is your heart, conducts.  Everything comes together as a perfect symphony.

Presence – When you are certain you’re not wavering with past remembered guilts or pain and future imagined fears or fantasies – the emotions – you’re truly present, and hence this is the fourth pillar. 

So-called heartbreaks, although seemingly painful can ultimately be blessings if we choose to seek the wisdom within it. Many people have been temporarily devastated by broken relationships only to discover at some later time that their supposed misfortune was indeed a blessing.  Their very loss was their ultimate gain.  Whenever a door shuts, a window opens.  It is wise to obtain the wisdom of the ages without the aging process though by asking questions that balance out our perceptions.

The next time you’re confronted with what appears to be a crisis, just ask yourself, “What is the hidden blessing?” The deeper you look, the easier you will find it.  When you do, you can say “good-bye” to its corresponding frustration, depression and heartbreak.  No tree stood strong without the wind.  No person can be strong without a challenge.  So be thankful for yours!

Dr John Demartini is a human behaviour specialist, founder of the Demartini Institute and the author of 40 books that have been translated into 36 languages. Visit Dr John Demartini online at 

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