RESCU
  • Ageless Magazine
  • Style
    • All
    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    Juicy Colours To Add To Your Wardrobe Now

    Choose the Right Red Lipstick for Your Skin Tone

    Back-to-Basics Tips For Thicker, Fuller Hair

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    Tips To Rehydrate Your Hair This Autumn

    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Substance
    • All
    • Food & Drink
    • Relationships
    • Resources
    • Reviews
    • Science & Innovation
    • Sustainability
    • Wellbeing

    Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits

    How to Detox after the Easter Sugar Binge

    6 Must Try Easter Sugar-Free Treats

    Luke Mangan’s Perfect Dish for Easter Lunch

    Why You Should Be Doing Resistance Band Exercises

    • Wellbeing
    • Science & Innovation
    • Relationships
    • Food & Drink
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
    • Reviews
  • Success
    • All
    • Career & Tech
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Money
    • Property
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    How To Thrive When Your Boss Is Narcissistic

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    The Most Effective Guide To Asking For A Raise

    Enter 2022 With Positivity With This New Years Cleansing Ritual

    Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone After Lockdown

    • Money
    • Property
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Career & Tech
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Rescu.Me Academy
  • Ageless Podcast
  • My Courses
No Result
View All Result
  • Ageless Magazine
  • Style
    • All
    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    Juicy Colours To Add To Your Wardrobe Now

    Choose the Right Red Lipstick for Your Skin Tone

    Back-to-Basics Tips For Thicker, Fuller Hair

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    Tips To Rehydrate Your Hair This Autumn

    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Substance
    • All
    • Food & Drink
    • Relationships
    • Resources
    • Reviews
    • Science & Innovation
    • Sustainability
    • Wellbeing

    Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits

    How to Detox after the Easter Sugar Binge

    6 Must Try Easter Sugar-Free Treats

    Luke Mangan’s Perfect Dish for Easter Lunch

    Why You Should Be Doing Resistance Band Exercises

    • Wellbeing
    • Science & Innovation
    • Relationships
    • Food & Drink
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
    • Reviews
  • Success
    • All
    • Career & Tech
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Money
    • Property
    • Resources
    • Sustainability

    How To Thrive When Your Boss Is Narcissistic

    Creating Warmth in a Room

    The Most Effective Guide To Asking For A Raise

    Enter 2022 With Positivity With This New Years Cleansing Ritual

    Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone After Lockdown

    • Money
    • Property
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Career & Tech
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Rescu.Me Academy
  • Ageless Podcast
  • My Courses
No Result
View All Result
RESCU
No Result
View All Result
Home Rescu Academy Meet the Experts Annie Gurton

Annie Gurton

Relationship Therapist

How To Tell Your Kids About A Break Up

Share on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on Pinterest

News that parents are separating is a hard concept for children to take in, that’s why we’ve made it easy,  relationship expert Annie Gurton reveals the best ways to tell children about a break up.

So, you’ve decided to separate and eventually divorce.  You are going through a whole shed-load of pain and anger.  And there are people under 18 still living in your house.  They are going to be impacted.  How to break it to them that their lives are never going to be the same again?

Image Via: Pinterest 

The main rule of thumb when telling children is:  ‘Less is more’.   They are children, you are their adult caregivers, and they don’t need or want to know all the grizzly and distressing details.  Your primary job is to protect them.

It is vital that your separation is as conflict-free as possible.  If the children see or hear any conflict between you they will be stressed and anxious, even if they don’t show it.  The differences between children of separated parents who are in dispute, hate each other, can’t bear to even say each other’s name and parent in a parallel way (each doing their own thing so that for the child its like shifting between Venus and Mars), are dramatically different when compared with parents who are able to respect each other, support each other and parent co-operatively.  Parents need to be child-focussed, and if the children are old enough, child inclusive.

It is normal for children to feel unsettled if you’re going through a separation.  There is fear of the unknown, and anxiety about how it is all going to impact them.  They need to feel secure and safe, and an announcement that Mummy and Daddy are going to be living in different places brings up all kinds of insecurities.

You can help your children by talking honestly, reassuring them that they will still be loved and the centre of your world.  They need to know that you adore them, will always be there for them and will always support and never leave them.  They need to know that you know that they are wonderful, unique, beautiful and perfect, while at the same time guiding them with authoritative (not authoritarian) parenting.

Involve the children is small decisions, get them to talk about their feelings and fears, and take time for family fun.  Play together, develop interests together, and reassure them that you are not going to disappear from their lives as a consequence of the separation.

So when telling the children:

  1. make it easy for your kids to love you both
  2. tell them that they are loved
  3. tell them the truth
  4. keep it simple
  5. keep it civil – don’t criticise or belittle the other parent in front of the children.

But don’t necessarily tell them that the separation is not their fault or nothing to do with them – at this stage they are not likely to have considered it was, and planting that thought can lead them to think it was despite what you are saying.

You should also avoid:

  1. using your children as messengers – apart from being immoral it also teaches them that adults cannot talk honestly or directly to each other
  2. ask the children to report on the other parent
  3. verbally abuse or criticise the other parent to the children – a conflicted adult atmosphere is highly destructive for the kids
  4. spoil the children with gifts and outings or unrealistic good times – parenting needs to be normal
  5. put any pressure on the kids to take sides
  6. or use any coercive strategies which put pressure on the kids to take sides.

 

For more information go to Relationships Australia (www.relationshipsaustralia.org.au)

Annie Gurton is an Imago Relationship Therapist based on Sydney’s Northern Beaches.  www.anniegurton.com

Related Posts

Annie Gurton

When To Stay Or Leave In A Relationship

Annie Gurton

How To Deal With Emotional Baggage In A New Relationship

Annie Gurton

Blending Families

Annie Gurton

You Can Stop These 5 Relationship Killers

Load More

Latest Posts

Juicy Colours To Add To Your Wardrobe Now

Breaking It Off With Your Friend With Benefits

How To Thrive When Your Boss Is Narcissistic

How to Detox after the Easter Sugar Binge

6 Must Try Easter Sugar-Free Treats

Luke Mangan’s Perfect Dish for Easter Lunch

School Holiday Survival Guide For Single Parents

Why You Should Be Doing Resistance Band Exercises

Dry Dating: Why It’s Trending and What it Means for Your First Date

Choose the Right Red Lipstick for Your Skin Tone

Get fashion, beauty, finance, health and love advice from our experts.

Rescu.com.au is an online destination across multiple platforms for the modern woman who is ready to be her own success story. Expert advice, articles and resources to glow up or completely transform your Style, Substance and Success.
Through our deep dive content, clever how to’s, product review, resources including calculators and downloadable assets, and of course our expert panellists, we inform and support our reader to dial up the fabulous in every aspect of her life.

STYLE

SUBSTANCE

SUCCESS

LOCKDOWN LOVE

SOCIETY

RESCU. ME ACADEMY

ABOUT US

Follow us

  • About Us
  • Advertise With Us
  • Privacy & Terms

© 2021 Rescu. All Rights Reserved

  • Ageless Magazine
  • Style
    • Beauty
    • Fashion
    • Home & Auto
    • Luxury & Travel
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Substance
    • Wellbeing
    • Science & Innovation
    • Relationships
    • Food & Drink
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
    • Reviews
  • Success
    • Money
    • Property
    • Inspirational Profiles
    • Career & Tech
    • Sustainability
    • Resources
  • Rescu.Me Academy
  • Ageless Podcast
  • My Courses

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In

Add New Playlist