Don’t underestimate the words you use, they are powerful, they shape your interaction with the world, they enable you to express your hearts desires and be heard by those around you. But as much as your words can work for you, they can also work against you. All of us are constantly having two conversations, one inside and one outside, and we generally concern ourselves with what’s being said on the outside, the one other people are aware of, not the one within, the one only we listen to – yet it’s this one that has the most influence over our state of mind. Kay Wilson Energy Healer & Coach from KayWilson.Love shares her tips on how to control and reduce your anxiety with your words.
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Why does the inside voice have more control?
What we say to the outside world is diluted over a number of people and it changes according to who we are talking to and how we want them to feel about us. But the inside voice is a constant, it is unchanging, and there is generally no regard for the impact it’s having on our psyche. It is there every moment of the day or night telling us what we should and shouldn’t think, feel, or do, so its power over us can be omnipotent.
But it’s just our thoughts – why does it matter?
There was a recent experiment carried out by an international home goods store that tested the effect of bullying on plants. They took two plants and played a loop of insults to one and compliments to the other for a period of 30 days, the results at the end of this were astounding. The plant that had been bullied had shriveled and the one that had been paid compliments had thrived and grown. This demonstrates the impact a barrage of good or bad narrative can have on your mental wellbeing.
How can changing your words help your anxiety?
The chances are if you are suffering from stress or anxiety the inner voice you are cultivating is not serving you. Stress and anxiety are symptoms of a belief structure that is critical, fear based and self-destructive. To change this can take some time but it is possible. You see, you are in fact able to control your inner narrative; you don’t have to be a victim of it. You can choose in any moment what you want to say about yourself to yourself and you can decide how it’s delivered. If you suffer extreme depression or anxiety you may need support from a councillor or healer to help you unravel the belief structures behind your narrative to help change them, but it is possible!
Here are three ways I ask my clients to start changing their narrative..
1. Wish yourself a good morning.
This is a really easy way to start this process, every morning when you wake up wish yourself a good morning first! Maybe use a pet name you had when you were young that you liked? Whatever you choose, make sure it is a positive and affirming way to welcome yourself into the day, mentally setting you up for a good one!
2. Change the tone of your inner voice.
If you are with someone you care for deeply, a child, a parent or even a best friend who is in a dark place and needs help how do you talk to them? You are no doubt gentle, loving and kind, you don’t hurl abuse at them and continue haranguing them until they fall asleep. You recognise their pain and you soothe them, you tell them that everything will work out and you try to help them find the silver lining or remind them of their qualities, how smart and kind they are and how this will pass. This is the kind of approach you want to start using with yourself. Start with recognising the things you do which you are happy with and work your way up from there. It won’t shift over night but it will get easier and start to make a significant difference over time.
3. List of values.
A really powerful way to start changing the mental narrative is to write a list of words that describe who you are when you are at your best. This can be challenging as people have great concerns over being egotistical but the reality is you are simply writing down a list of facts. The same way that it is daylight at 10am, you are kind, you are friendly… Whatever the qualities are that you have written, they are facts, this is not a showing off exercise this is a reality check that you are worthy. Once you have written the list (do as many as you can, try to aim for around 15 words, I know, so many – you can do it!!) please stick this list onto your mirror at home. This way every morning when you look at yourself and that narrative or criticism is about to start you have your list of wonderful qualities in your line of vision to counter balance it.
Remember, you always have the power to choose your thoughts. No one can take that away from you, but they can influence you if you let them. These practices are like an exercise routine they get easier the more you do them and the effect they have is life changing. So empower yourself, own your thoughts, treat your mind with the respect and love it deserves and the world will follow suit.