When did we start looking externally for verification?
The feeling that you are not worthy unless you are loved by a certain person in a certain way. That you can only be loved if you have a particular job, position, a child, certain material items. That you can only feel loved if you are this weight, have that hair, do this exercise, and follow that diet. No one wants to be on the ‘This That’ train!
The reality is that you could spend your whole life searching for happiness and love if you are looking externally. That list you keep writing can be ticked off but there will always be a new list, there will also be something you can do, achieve, buy, replace.
As Rumi famously said – ‘This universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are.’
I really wanted to take this time to ask you to think about you. Have you found yourself searching for something? Maybe you have been lost in your thoughts, the monkey mind. Has your negative self-talk been chattering non-stop? Maybe you have been running on autopilot and haven’t had time to really think at all.
Everyone’s situation at home has been different through the Pandemic depending on your work, where you live in the world, whether you are single, have a partner or children. I can only truly speak from my own experience.
For me, this has been a time to reflect. It actually started pre-COVID when I took the decision to stop doing all the things I was doing, streamline, and live my passion. It just so happened that COVID happened about 2 months in, so then I REALLY had time to reflect on where I was and where I want to go. It’s given me the opportunity to look within and live the journey of discovering me and learning to respect and love myself again.
So maybe you have had time to reflect, maybe you haven’t… maybe you are still pondering. Here are some things I‘d like you to think about and write down if you can. Trust me, the writing is cathartic and sometimes it’s amazing what transpires when you start!
It’s time to LOVE yourself again, treat yourself with respect (treat as you would treat others), and be the REAL you. STOP doing things that make you unhappy because you THINK you should, or you think OTHERS think you should.
Step 1: Find Your Feelings
Think about your day from the moment you wake up until you go to bed. I mean everything, the alarm noise, the bird song, the walk to the kitchen, the broken kettle, favourite coffee, wonky floorboard…… I want you to think about everything that happens in your day.
Write down what gives you pleasure, happiness, and joy on one side and on the other what gives you stress, discomfort, or pain. On the pain side – what can you eliminate or fix? Now I know there might be some big things here, like a job or relationship. There also could be tiny things. The micro stresses really add up so if you can eliminate as many of them as possible you feel so much lighter I promise!
Step 2: The Wellness Wheel
I want you to look at the Wellness Wheel below and look at each section. From 1-10 (10 being highest) I want you to think about how happy you are in each section. Feel in your gut and heart, really feel it, don’t over think it.
Environmental – your personal surroundings, your home, where you live. Does it bring you joy? Is it healthy, clean? A sanctuary? Or does it bring you stress?
Physical Fitness – Are you happy with your overall fitness? How is your diet? Is it balanced, do you sleep well? Do you have any health concerns?
Spiritual – Do you have an understanding of your beliefs and values? Do you feel like your heart and head are aligned and moving in the same direction?
Occupation – Does your occupation bring you joy? Do you feel aligned in your occupation or do you feel like you should be doing something else? Is it a healthy work environment, is there opportunity for growth?
Social – Do you have a strong network of support? Do you feel connected and uplifted by these connections?
Emotional – Do you feel that your emotions are balanced? Do you have tools to stay balanced and are you able to recognise when your emotions may be a little out of sorts?
Financial – Are you living within your means? Do you have plans for your future financial health and how is your relationship with money?
Intellectual – Do you feel like you are growing? Are you learning and developing, are you curious about learning something new or do you have a certain interest that you can be creative in?
Now in any sections that have scored under 7, write down how you would like it to be different.
This is just the beginning of your journey. Acknowledging where you are, what makes you happy, and where you want to make changes is the first step. It may be the first but it’s also the biggest because now you are the observer of your life and will start to see where you are not being true to yourself and you can now embrace the joy in your life and move towards what you really want.
Watch Rescu. Founder & Editor Bahar Etminan in conversation with Katie Lowndes below.